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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28272180">Sincerely, Death.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alcine/pseuds/Alcine'>Alcine</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Code Geass</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Post-Zero Requiem, Spoilers for Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion R2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:40:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>22,942</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28272180</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alcine/pseuds/Alcine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Zero's life is threatened, Suzaku realizes there are people who still care about him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kururugi Suzaku/Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>98</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello! This story has nothing to do with Christmas, but I hope you like it!</p><p>(I don't own Code Geass)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Dear Zero," the letter read. "I hope this message finds you well." </em>
</p><p>-</p><p>Kallen, oddly enough, was the first to notice. She had always been an observant woman, and years of fighting in a Knightmare Frame had sharpened her natural skills even further. True, the world had been largely at peace now for about a year, and her talents were not as needed as they had once been, but she had learned to keep a sharp eye in any situation, and was determined to preserve the peace they had sacrificed so much for.</p><p>Observing Zero, in particular, was something she had gotten rather skilled at. From her very first encounter with the masked vigilante to her trying to figure out his identity (and everything that had come with and after that), she had become something of an expert at keeping an eye on the Black Knights' leader.</p><p>Granted, the man behind the mask then had not been the one currently standing at Nunnally's side. But him, too, she knew how to read; had learned all about it back when he was the enemy. And she had learned to read him as the new Zero as well. Enough to tell that something was definitely off now.</p><p>"Oi. What's wrong with you?" She hissed, discreet but to the point, falling in stride with him.</p><p>"I beg your pardon?" Ugh. She hated the overly polite way in which he spoke now.</p><p>"You're not being your usual annoyingly perfect little soldier. You're stiff as a board, I can see your hands trembling and you nearly stumbled just now. If something's wrong or we're under threat I'd rather you told me now."</p><p>They were walking back from one of Nunnally's weekly meetings with various higher-ups - something Kallen had offered to attend every once in a while as a senior member of the Black Knights - and out of earshot of anyone important. Nunnally herself was several paces ahead of them, politely engaged in conversation with a young emissary.</p><p>Zero stiffened at her words, and then his limbs visibly relaxed - but too late. Kallen was no fool.</p><p>"Thank you for your concern, but I assure you that everything is fine. I apologize for the slip up - my boot simply caught on a tile."</p><p>She snorted.</p><p>"Yeah, right. I know you well enough to know that you don't do stumbles, even in those heels. So what's the matter?"</p><p>He was tense alright. And very much not willing to admit it.</p><p>"Everything is under control, Miss Kouzuki. Rest assured that we will not hesitate to call upon you if need be."</p><p>Putting an end to their exchange, Zero quickened his pace to get past her and back to Nunnally.</p><p>It was Kallen's turn to tense. There was definitely something wrong with him.</p><p>-</p><p>
  <em>"Thus, when Justice finally punishes you for the tragedies you have caused, the thought of your suffering will be all the sweeter to me, as pain and agony slowly rid you of the health you unfairly possess." </em>
</p><p>-</p><p>It took two more hours for Nunnally herself to corner him in turn. In her defense, political matters and etiquette required a lot of her concentration, and Kallen could tell that Zero was taking great care not to slip up again, especially in front of the young woman. But Nunnally had spent years relying on senses other than sight, and she was not fooled for long either.</p><p>The masked aide tried to brush her concern aside, too.</p><p>"Your Majesty, if my ability to protect you were compromised, then you would be at threat. And I would never put your life in danger. Please do not doubt this."</p><p>Nunnally was not appeased.</p><p>"I don't. But it's not me I'm worried about."</p><p>Zero only stood up straighter.</p><p>"There is no need to be. Now, we must be on our way or you will be late for the next meeting." He replied, moving ahead of her with a swish of his cape. It was not nearly as graceful as he had learned to be.</p><p>Nunnally would not have let Suzaku get away with this, Kallen thought. But this was Zero, and they were in public and on a schedule. It was obviously taking the young woman a lot of self-restraint and professionalism not to push the issue further, but her hands did go to the controls of her wheelchair in resignation.</p><p>The expression on her face, however, made it clear that she was not letting it go.</p><p>"We will talk again after this." She said loudly, her chair already in motion.</p><p>Kallen was technically done for the day, but she decided to stay with them a little longer anyway. Just in case.</p><p>-</p><p>
  <em>"And when you realize that nothing can save you from the inevitable, I can only hope that you finally understand how much you deserve this torment, and how the spirits of the slaughtered will rejoice to see the doors of Hell open for you." </em>
</p><p>-</p><p>During the last meeting of the day (a small, private affair with only a few secretaries and boring administrative discussions), Kallen kept a particularly sharp eye on Zero but could no longer find anything out of the ordinary with his posture. There was not much to judge him by: he was standing behind Nunnally, still as a statue. The tremors in his hands were gone, his feet were firmly stuck to the floor and there was nothing strange to report. In fact, he was so immobile that Kallen almost started doubting her earlier observations. Had she and Nunnally simply overreacted? She shook her head to dismiss the thought: no, there was something, she was certain of it.</p><p>The meeting came to an end, the secretaries and officials took their leave, and when it was only the three of them left, Zero took off the mask quick as lightning so he could empty his stomach in the nearest trash can.</p><p>Ah. There it was.</p><p>"Well," Kallen said. "Good thing you took the mask off in time."</p><p>-</p><p>
  <em>"Sincerely, Death."</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! So I had the idea for this back in December 2019, but could not find enough time to write it, then Covid happened and somehow it didn't feel right writing about someone getting sick, and then 2020 went all crazy and now it's a whole YEAR later and I'm thinking that if I don't post this now I'll probably give up on it altogether. So there you go. I swear Suzaku does not have Covid, by the way.</p><p>Also, back in 2019 this was a one shot. Now it's at least 8 chapters long, what the fuck happened.</p><p>I'll go post chapter 2 now so no one thinks that's all there is to it. Happy Christmas!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Lelouch Vi Britannia was dead. He had been killed a little over a year ago, at his own request, and the hand of his best friend. It had been a magnificent plan, calculated to the littlest detail, and executed perfectly after weeks of intense planning and negociations with his Knight - and himself. But Lelouch had made peace with both before the grand finale, and been ready to face the fate he had chosen for himself.</p><p>And then he had woken up.</p><p>Jeremiah, who had luckily managed to secure his corpse before the angry crowds got to it, had nearly had a stroke.</p><p>Lelouch himself had been very angry.</p><p>"I think we took a wrong turn," C.C said, ahead of him. "We're too far left from the main road".</p><p>She folded up the hand-drawn map they had been given and ignored Lelouch's huff of annoyance.</p><p>"Yes, that would be the fork in the road where I said 'this is a wrong turn, it will take us too far left'''.</p><p>"<em>This</em> path looked mysterious and promising. You should listen to the call of adventure, sometimes. Look," she held out her hand. "I picked berries."</p><p>"We're here on an investigation, C.C, not an adventure."</p><p>"Same thing."</p><p>They were in the countryside, on a deserted road slithering through fields and pasture. The research Lelouch had done ahead of this had led them to a small village and its peaceful inhabitants. It did not look like anyone here had any desire for murder or even any ill will towards anyone, but you never knew. Lelouch simply hoped his investigation would not come to a dead end in this place. It had been a while since he had come across anything to challenge his intellect.</p><p>Plans and schemes were no longer as needed in the new world he had created and was still getting used to.</p><p>There was a gentle breeze blowing; Lelouch turned his face into it in appreciation. It was all in the little things, now.</p><p>C.C said these things took time anyway.</p><p>He adjusted the cap he was wearing under the hood of his shirt so it covered his eyes (a getup he would not have been caught wearing as Lelouch Vi Britannia, but that was the point) and was following C.C back down the road when his phone rang.</p><p>"What is it?" C.C asked: Lelouch had stopped walking and looked slightly perplexed.</p><p>"A text from Nunnally. She says Suzaku is sick."</p><p>"I didn't know he could get sick."</p><p>"It's not a common occurence." Lelouch was typing a quick response to his sister, a frown of his face.</p><p>"Are you worried?"</p><p>"Her message is not alarming." He said, pocketing the phone again. "Let's finish what we came here to do."</p><p>But C.C knew him well.</p><p>"And not linger unnecessarily, got it."</p><p>Lelouch had already resumed walking.</p><p>-</p><p>Suzaku Kururugi was also dead. Officially, he had been dead even longer than Lelouch Vi Britannia, having been killed in combat shortly before the Demon Emperor took over the entire world.</p><p>Unofficially, Suzaku Kururugi was now Zero. Condemned to a lifetime of solitude and secrets, eternally sacrificing his happiness for the sake of the world. So Lelouch had promised.</p><p>For a year now, he had been fulfilling this role perfectly. Until the previous afternoon.</p><p>Suzaku was annoyed at himself for failing to put up the front longer. The meeting had been the last of the day, and Nunnally had no further obligations after it. He had already managed to go through most of the day despite the debilitating headache and muscle pain that had come out of nowhere after his morning routine: if only he had managed to keep up appearances for <em>just a little longer</em>, he could have gone home to his rest and no one would have been the wiser.</p><p>But the nausea had taken him by surprise, <em>very</em> suddenly, and it had required a lot of self-control to wait for the guests to leave so he could take off the mask and...puke his guts out in front of Nunnally and Kallen. He was glad the officials, at least, had not lingered: a few more seconds and he would have been looking at a very different problem.</p><p>He had promised Nunnally, afterwards, that it was just a migraine; he would take something for it and be right as rain the following morning.</p><p>But when the following morning came, Suzaku woke up feeling even worse.</p><p>He was not proud of how Nunnally had found that out.</p><p>A familiar deep voice brought him out of his thoughts.</p><p>"I'm told if you frown too much you'll get lines early."</p><p>Suzaku always had a feeling that Lelouch, like Arthur, somehow had a way into Zero's secret quarters: there was his proof, standing in the kitchenette like he owned the place. The former prince took a seat opposite him at the table.</p><p>"I wear an integral helmet everyday; so no big deal. I thought you weren't coming back until Saturday?"</p><p>Suzaku raised his cup to drink; Lelouch had caught the great Zero on house arrest, in his pajamas, sulking into his tea. Then the thought hit him:</p><p>"Nunnally called you, didn't she?"</p><p>"Texted, actually. I'm guessing as a compromise between wanting me to know and not wanting to alarm me. How are you feeling?"</p><p>"Like I've got a cold and everyone's making a fuss about it."</p><p>His oldest friend grimaced.</p><p>"I don't remember the last time you took a sick day. They're just worried."</p><p>Suzaku shrugged.</p><p>"There was that time Cécile made wasabi yogurt."</p><p>"That was <em>food poisoning</em>, and we all saw it coming. You were just too nice to say no."</p><p>Lelouch had a point. But Cécile had put her heart into those yogurts. Her heart and wasabi paste. He sighed.</p><p>"I shouldn't be sitting here, I'm fine enough to do my job."</p><p>"That's not what I heard," Lelouch said, lifting elegant eyebrows. Suzaku groaned - he had hoped his recent humiliation would remain somewhat private.</p><p>Nunnally had been waiting for him outside his quarters, that morning. Her idea of making sure he was indeed fine and fit for work had been to challenge him to get past Sayoko in the adjoining corridor.</p><p>He had not been fit for work.</p><p>Sayoko had picked him up from the floor and sent him back to bed with more painkillers.</p><p>Suzaku's shoulders slumped in defeat at the memory. He was still baffled at how easily she had beaten him. Maybe he really was more tired than he thought.</p><p>"Nunnally is capable enough to manage without you for a day," Lelouch went on, "and Kallen has already agreed to take over bodyguard duty for today. Schneizel is available if anything comes up, not to mention me. There is also a difference between sitting here making faces at your tea, and taking up your regular duties while you're unwell. You might feel okay now, but Zero is no use to anyone if you suddenly collapse in public."</p><p>"You talk like I'm half-dead already."</p><p>"No offense, my friend, but you really don't look too good."</p><p>Suzaku tried to catch his upside-down reflection in the teaspoon. Maybe he looked a little pale. And...were those rings under his eyes? Squinting made his head hurt.</p><p>"I felt fine yesterday morning. It's probably just a bug that's going around and I'll be fine in a couple days."</p><p>Lelouch was studying him like he was trying to solve a new puzzle; it was a little unsettling.</p><p>"How are you feeling, really?"</p><p>Suzaku huffed and put down his cup noisily.</p><p>"Ridiculous? This is nothing, I've been in a knightmare in worse conditions."</p><p>Lelouch kept silent, his eyes trained on him, waiting. There was probably no getting around that question.</p><p>Suzaku gave in with another sigh.</p><p>"Tired, mostly. I'm sore, like I've been in several fights and lost them. And my head hurts a little. That's about it."</p><p>"How's your temperature? Any more nausea?"</p><p>"Normal, and yes, but easily manageable."</p><p>"Well, you're staying in today anyway, so stop sulking over it. Use the opportunity to rest and take it easy for once. If you're not feeling any better tonight I'll have doctor Hester take a look at you."</p><p>Helena Hester was a particularly gifted doctor Lelouch had Geassed prior to the Requiem in case of an emergency. There were some things he was not willing to completely leave in Lloyd's hands, and that apparently included Suzaku's health as Zero. Doctor Hester had been ordered to perform any medical action necessary to ensure Zero's health and survival, and never remember nor reveal his identity, that of others with him, or anything odd that should catch her attention while performing her job. Suzaku could gladly say that her services had never been needed so far - and he hoped it would remain that way.</p><p>Lelouch put the laptop he had brought with him on the table and turned it on. Suzaku blinked in surprise; he had not planned for him to stay for long.</p><p>"...Are you going to work here?"</p><p>"I can sit elsewhere in the room if you'd prefer. But I've got everything I need on this, your rooms are the most secure part of Nunnally's mansion, and someone needs to make sure you're not going to try and run off while on sick leave. So yes, I'm going to work here."</p><p>Suzaku tried not to feel offended. He <em>was</em> getting antsy already, and had been entertaining the idea of just slipping out before Lelouch turned up, queasiness be damned. He chose not to comment and changed the subject.</p><p>"What are you working on?"</p><p>"The odd deaths I told you about the other day. I think we've done enough fieldwork to start connecting the dots."</p><p>Lelouch had, during one of his daily perusals of classified information, come across records of several strange deaths in a remote part of the country. No apparent causes of decease were found: these people had simply been found dead in their beds. An official investigation was underway, but with the current world busy rebuilding itself, it was not going as smoothly as it should have. Lelouch had secretly taken over, in one of many attempts to occupy himself. He had found a lead in a small village and gone to discreetly have a look.</p><p>C.C had come along for 'the adventure'.</p><p>"Where's C.C?"</p><p>"She said she wanted to find Kallen and make faces at her to test her concentration."</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>The conversation stalled; Lelouch's fingers started typing at their usual frightening speed. There had been little opportunities for earnest discussion between the busy Zero and his resurrected best friend in hiding this past year; not that they had ever been too gifted at those. Most of the few conversations they managed to have were focused on current politics, Zero's role in the new world, and Lelouch's occasional corrections to his posture (he was never dramatic enough).</p><p>At least the former Zero had not taken Suzaku's punishment back from him. He was not sure where that would have taken him.</p><p>"What do you usually do, on your off days?"</p><p>Suzaku looked back up. He had been lost in his thoughts, something Lelouch often argued was quite the accomplishment for him.</p><p>Off days, huh. Well, he definitely had a few hours to himself every once in a while, right?</p><p>"Catch up on sleep. Work out. Check the news."</p><p>"No workout today." There was no arguing with that tone. "Find something to occupy yourself that doesn't involve exercise."</p><p>Yes, Suzaku was definitely pouting now.</p><p>-</p><p>A few hours later found C.C kneeling in front of Zero's couch for the right angle to take a picture.</p><p>"So he fell asleep watching cat videos on his phone?"</p><p>"That's what I said."</p><p>"Aw, and you put a blanket over him so he wouldn't feel cold." She saved the picture; this was going straight to her favorites.</p><p>"He's ill, C.C, and not getting worse on my watch. Stop poking him, he needs to rest. Actually, I'm surprised he's still asleep with the noise you're making."</p><p>"Fine, fine."</p><p>She went to sit next to him at the kitchen table.</p><p>"But now I'm bored."</p><p>"You could always help me go through these files."</p><p>"I could, but that would be boring."</p><p>"You're the one who wanted to help in the first place."</p><p>"With your investigations outside, yes. The boring parts are all yours."</p><p>The former Emperor groaned and went back to his data. C.C held back a smile.</p><p>Lelouch's unexpected survival had taken him through various stages that he was still dealing with more than a year on. Anger had been the most prominent of those: violent and absolute. In a move neither C.C nor him really understood, and from beyond both of their graves, Charles had managed to take Lelouch's own <em>death</em> away from him.</p><p>Yes, the anger had been real.</p><p>But it was abating.</p><p>He was still figuring out the immortality part, though. Acceptance was still probably a long way away.</p><p>C.C was glad that he was not alone for this.</p><p>But Lelouch was still dead to everyone but a handful of trusted people. The Demon Emperor and his face were still on many people's minds, so he could not simply go back to his old life nor start a new one somewhere else. His Geass was gone too, courtesy of the unsought Code he now possessed, so he could no longer rely on it to get him out of sticky situations. Having, apparently, little desire to become a hermit in Antartica, he had decided for the time being to stick to the shadows of the people he cared most about, helping from the sidelines and in every little way he could with the rebuilding of the world.</p><p>It was not much, considering he had been <em>very</em> meticulous in his pre-death planning, and could no longer show his face anywhere. But it was enough, for now.</p><p>C.C herself had grown quite fond of him and the people he loved, anyway. She, too, had chosen them as the starting point of a new adventure.</p><p>Lelouch was back to his computer work; C.C leaned over to see various pictures of people on the screen.</p><p>"Who are these?" She asked.</p><p>"People from the village we were in yesterday. I've gathered files on them all to compare with what we know so far."</p><p>"This old lady looks like she's wearing a dead bird on her head."</p><p>"That's a hat."</p><p>"Are you sure? Looks like a dead duck to me. See? That part looks like a beak." She elaborated, pointing to the area she meant.</p><p>"It's a hat. But thank you for the input."</p><p>"You're welcome."</p><p>Seeing that her expertise was not appreciated to its proper extent, she started exploring the room they were in. Maybe Suzaku had a hidden stash of Pizza Hut coupons somewhere.</p><p>The three small rooms that constituted Zero's quarters were hidden somewhere in Nunnally's mansion, for him to use when his services where not needed. There were no windows. No pictures on the walls. From what C.C could tell, these were not living quarters so much as the place where Suzaku went back to eat and sleep after days and nights of work. Except for very basic furniture and a few cat toys, the living room was despairingly bare. C.C was on her way to the bedroom for further investigation when she noticed Suzaku's head emerging from the blanket Lelouch had put over him.</p><p>He looked awful, and she was being nice. Pale as death, with dark circles under his glassy, bloodshot eyes, his hair sticking up every which way. He was blinking at her and Lelouch like he had no idea what they were doing here, and moving as slowly as if he had just woken up from a 100 years' slumber. She watched him wobble to his feet, dangerously sway for several seconds, and heavily fall back down onto the cushions.</p><p>"I'm fine," he said sullenly when he caught the looks on their faces.</p><p>"Sure you are," Lelouch said, and took out his phone to call the doctor.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <em>It was probably not a cold, according to doctor Helena Hester: there was no sign of fever so far, no congestion, no coughing. But the exhaustion, soreness, and nausea were worrisome. Not to mention how fast the symptoms had appeared and developed. It could just as well be a seasonal bug, as Suzaku himself claimed, but they had taken a sample of his blood to make sure, and the doctor's recommendations were to keep a close eye on him, let him rest, and report any new symptom while they waited for the test results.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lelouch was not satisfied with knowing what it probably was not. His mind was too sharp not to go through every other possibility, from the most mundane to the most elaborately disastrous.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Zero was not just any patient.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Could it be poison?" he asked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The young doctor looked up from her notes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Do you mean food poisoning?"</em>
</p><p><em>"No." He had already asked Sayoko to meticulously check their food supplies, and although Suzaku had been sick several times, he had not complained of stomach cramps. "</em><em>I mean </em>poison<em>."</em></p><p>-</p><p>There were many things Kallen would have rather been doing other than watch over her once-friend turned enemy turned maybe-something-like-fifteen-percent-friend again. Like working on the Guren. Or buying new boxing gloves to punch Weinberg's face with at the gym.</p><p>Her day of acting as Nunnally's bodyguard had ended with the news that Zero would not be taking up his duties the following day either, and that they were waiting on some test results to know what was actually wrong with him. Meanwhile, they were to take turns watching over the grounded soldier to make sure no new symptoms appeared and he did not try to run off. Lelouch had taken first shift, then temporarily retreated to the <em>other</em> secret rooms Nunnally kept for him to do some research Kallen was not privy to. Nunnally herself was busy rearranging her schedule and smoothing over Zero's absence, and C.C had claimed urgent business elsewhere, to Kallen's great annoyment. The list of trusted people who were aware of Zero's true identity was a limited one. Nunnally had turned to her with the dreaded question on her lips, and Kallen had not been able to say no. She could afford to miss a class or two.</p><p>So there she was, sitting on the uncomfortable couch in Zero's secret 'home', watching the restless pacing of her old enemy. Frenemy. She was not quite certain where they stood now. Lelouch's insane plan had made sure of that.</p><p>Suzaku did look like shit, to be honest. It was the first time she was seeing him without the mask ever since he had taken on the role of Zero (barring the very brief incident two days ago) and she was not sure how much of the paleness and visible exhaustion was due to the illness and not the after-effects of wearing a mask for the better part of a year. His eyes were red and ringed with dark circles, and he rubbed his temples often enough to tell her that the painkillers probably did not have much effect on his headaches. He did not look too steady on his feet either, and maybe that was what she found the most disturbing: this was the man who matched her blow for blow in battle and could outrun bullets. Seeing him sway on his feet was just too strange.</p><p>A sight made even stranger by the fact that he was wearing pajama pants and a very large sweatshirt; maybe Zero's wardrobe was limited beyond the famous costume.</p><p>Kallen had seen Suzaku wear several curious outfits over the time she had known him - from a cat costume and even <em>skirts</em> to the disturbingly sexy Knight of Zero uniform - but this made him look oddly young and vulnerable.</p><p>In short, he did not look like the Suzaku she remembered at all.</p><p>He also made a <em>terrible</em> patient.</p><p>Suzaku did not want to sit still. He had tried to slip out twice already, and kept trying to talk her into letting him "stretch his legs a little"; which was the same thing considering his quarters consisted of two small rooms and a bathroom. Kallen could not really find it in herself to blame him: she had spent way too long pretending to be frail and ill, and while it had been a front, she could easily confirm it was the most boring and frustrating thing ever. Especially for active people like the two of them.</p><p>But. She had orders.</p><p>"Look, Suzaku. Don't you think there's a reason Lelouch confiscated the Zero suit and threatened to handcuff you to the couch?"</p><p>Suzaku stopped pacing, but he had no ready answer to that and <em>finally</em> sat down, defeated. Then his face turned somber.</p><p>"Zero."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"I'm Zero. Suzaku is dead."</p><p>He was frighteningly serious as he said it, eyes cold and fixed ahead of him. Kallen covered her uneasiness with annoyance.</p><p>"I'm only just getting used to calling you Zero with the mask on, don't expect me to use the name to your face anytime soon."</p><p>...not that she would be seeing his face again after this, anyway. Suzaku's half-glance towards her told her the same conclusion had crossed his mind. But he said nothing, serious and broody, until Kallen caught him shivering, crossing his arms to try and hide it.</p><p>She threw a blanket at him.</p><p>"What do you do to pass the time here, anyway? I'm bringing games next time. Pretty sure I'd kick your ass at Mario Kart."</p><p>He did crack a very small smile at that, maybe eager for the challenge. Kallen felt the corners of her own lips turn up in a smirk.</p><p>"Sorry," Suzaku said. "I don't spend much time in this place. It's a bit bare."</p><p>"A bit <em>dead</em>, you mean."</p><p>Suzaku clutched the blanket closer to him.</p><p>Kallen sighed noisily, leaned back and put her socked feet up on the coffee table. There was not even anything on it to accidentally displace. Somehow she doubted this room would have been much more interesting even if Suzaku did spend more time in it.</p><p>She stole another glance at him, sitting on the edge of the couch like he expected to get up any minute, his grip white on the flowered quilt. The look on his face was that of a punished kid.</p><p>She forced her gaze elsewhere. The ceiling was dark grey. Huh.</p><p>It was an awkward situation. Kallen had sort of gotten used to him being the new Zero, even though she did not entirely approve of it. Maybe the fact that she did not have to constantly see his face had helped; who knew. But she had insisted that he was Zero, that day, when Tohdoh had figured who must have been behind the mask, and she had meant it.</p><p>But now the mask was off, and he was <em>Suzaku</em> again, no matter what he claimed. Suzaku, the boy she had seen crying in relief that his classmates were safe, and the man she had tried to kill on more than one occasion. Suzaku, who had fought against her with all he had, but also asked her to leave their conflict out of school. Suzaku, who had been a constant thorn in the Black Knights' side, and was now their leader.</p><p>He was a walking contradiction, and trying to understand him was frustrating and time-consuming. It had been easier to hate the guy.</p><p>And sitting next to him, feet on the table, talking about video games? She felt like she was at a friends' house, jokingly berating them for being a terrible host while they were sick.</p><p>It was disorienting.</p><p>Arthur jumped onto Suzaku's lap out of nowhere, licked her paw, and settled down to nap. Kallen was glad for the distraction and the opportunity to tease her old rival. Teasing was easy and safe.</p><p>"Wow. Look at that. You look so bad she won't even bite you."</p><p>The cat had brought Suzaku's mind back from wherever it had gone, too; he smiled and scratched the feline's ears.</p><p>Kallen relaxed into the couch. If she just stopped thinking for a minute, she could almost pretend they were back in the student council room, waiting for Milly to turn up with a crazy plan.</p><p>Almost.</p><p>"Do you have playing cards, at least?"</p><p>-</p><p>
  <em>"Poison?" The doctor looked mildly surprised but quickly recovered. "We'd need to run more specific blood tests to find out. I don't think we can completely rule it out, but it's not the preferred diagnosis at the moment."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lelouch nodded and voiced his own analysis.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Considering the target, the culprit would have gone through a lot of trouble just for some fatigue and nausea, right?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She inclined her head in confirmation, picking up on his train of thought:</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Same goes for anything needing to be administered more than once. If someone wanted to harm one of the most inaccessible symbols in the country, they would probably go for something more straightforward that didn't necessitate taking multiple risks."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yes, Lelouch had come to the same conclusion. At least doctor Hester seemed intelligent enough to keep up with his theories. But his brain was trained to consider every possibility, and Zero was a likely target for such methods. Lelouch could not discard the option until he knew for sure what exactly was ailing his friend.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He turned back to the young woman.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'll ask doctor Asplund to help with the blood samples - the equipment at his disposal might help hurry things along. Human health is not his field of expertise but he'll be a precious ally."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lelouch made to leave, but his hand stilled on the door handle. There was one last question.</em>
</p><p>-</p><p>In the afternoon that day, Nunnally finally found time in her schedule for a visit to her sick aide. Lelouch had tried to dissuade her from it, claiming that whatever Suzaku had caught could be contagious - but she had calmly replied that she would be careful, that they were all taking the same risk, and that she could make her own decisions.</p><p>She was very, <em>very</em> happy to have her brother back. She took several minutes, every day, to be grateful to the world for it. But sometimes he coddled her a little too much still.</p><p>Although he tried to hide it from her, Nunnally could tell that Lelouch was as worried as she was. They were not used to Suzaku being down; he was the strong one. He used to carry her on his back around Kururugi shrine when they were children, and he was the one protecting her as Zero. Keeping him confined to his rooms because of an unknown illness was not something she and Lelouch were enjoying much. Not to mention that what medicine the doctor gave him did not seem to have much effect, from what they could tell.</p><p>She would not admit it to anyone, but there was also a treacherous part of her that simply wanted to be in the company of Suzaku instead of Zero, for once. Nunnally had only ever seen him without the mask on twice: when he had first taken it off to be sick, and when she had dropped by, the evening before, to find the young man asleep on the couch. Pictures just were not the same. She wanted to see him be someone other than her vigilant bodyguard, see the bright green eyes for herself. She tried not to think too much on it - he was sick, now was not the time to impose on him out of selfish curiosity. But the little voice was there, pushing her to go <em>see</em>.</p><p>Nunnally made sure she was alone at the hidden corner to his quarters, and knocked softly. It was a few long seconds before the door opened (whoever was inside had to check the hidden camera to make sure she was a welcome guest, first) and C.C appeared on the threshold, this time: she must have come back earlier in the day and joined Kallen on what the red-haired woman had called her "babysitting mission". But before Nunnally could even greet the immortal woman properly, Kallen's voice came from the living room, loud and angry, and Nunnally turned her head to find her supporting Suzaku with an arm around his shoulders. The young pilot sounded pretty cross with him and was telling him off for something. Suzaku himself looked a little dazed as Kallen helped him sit on the couch.</p><p>"Suzaku? Are you okay?" Nunnally asked, as C.C let her through and closed the secret door behind her.</p><p>The young man raised his head at the sound of Nunnally's voice, and immediately tried to get back up - Kallen was faster and pushed him back down onto the couch, not too gently.</p><p>"<em>Sit</em>, you idiot!"</p><p>Nunnally quickly wheeled herself closer.</p><p>"Did something happen?"</p><p>Kallen said "yes" over Suzaku's "no". The redhead had her phone out and was typing furiously one-handed - the other hand was still on Suzaku's shoulder to prevent him from moving.</p><p>"Stay put. I'm telling Lelouch you fainted."</p><p>"I <em>didn't</em>, I just stood up too fast and-"</p><p>"You fainted?" Nunnally's horrified voice brought his attention back to her; his hands went up, palms out, in an effort to calm the situation.</p><p>"I was just lightheaded for a second-"</p><p>"-and fell like a sack of potatoes." C.C finished for him in her usual calm voice, joining them. "Good thing Kallen was there to catch you, I was busy checking the contents of your fridge. Pathetic, by the way."</p><p>Kallen glared at her, an eye on her phone.</p><p>"Oh look, Lelouch says he's on his way."</p><p>Suzaku groaned; he leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and put his head in his hands.</p><p>"I was just dizzy, Kallen, Lelouch is going to <em>lose it</em>!"</p><p>Nunnally manoeuvred her chair as close to him as it would get; she put gentle fingers on his hands, tenderly moving them away from his temples. Suzaku let her, but he would not look at her and his eyes remained trained on the floor.</p><p>"Suzaku." He winced at the name. "I know this must be a frustrating situation for you, but please don't hide when you're not well. We're trying to help."</p><p>She cradled his rough, cold hands in her own delicate ones. Suzaku's head was bowed stubbornly, his lips pursed, and when he looked up again, Nunnally finally found herself looking into the bright green eyes from the pictures.</p><p>Exhaustion had traced dark circles under them, and they were bloodshot. But determination burned in them as Suzaku straightened up.</p><p>"You don't need to worry about me, Your Highness. I will take up my duties again as soon as possible. I don't deser-"</p><p>But Nunnally would not have this.</p><p>"Please do not finish that sentence."</p><p>Nunnally heard Kallen gasp audibly at her brisk tone, and caught C.C's smirk out of the corner of her eye. Suzaku, to her relief, was surprised into silence; he looked into her eyes like he was seeing her for the first time. She held his gaze to make her point clear.</p><p>"We have all lost a lot in the past, and we're just starting to rebuild ourselves. I will not allow someone I care about to suffer on their own if there is anything I can do to help. Not after everything that has happened. And especially not someone so precious to me."</p><p>Suzaku's eyes widened and darted to the side, and then back down to her hands still holding his. His fingers were cold and trembling slightly.</p><p>Nunnally felt her heart ache. She had often imagined finally seeing Suzaku with her own eyes, pictured the scene in her mind's eye many times before defeating her father's Geass, and none of the visions her imagination had provided her with had included her old friend looking so worn, with sunken cheeks and eyes dulled by illness. His shoulders were slumped in defeat.</p><p>She tightened her hold on his hands.</p><p>"You are precious to me. To all of us. Please remember that."</p><p>That was all she could ask of him for the moment.</p><p>-</p><p>
  <em>"What about slow-acting poison?" Lelouch asked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Doctor Hester put a finger to her lips in thought as she ran the option through her mind. Lelouch did not like the expression on her face.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That would be very problematic," she concluded.</em>
</p><p>-</p><p>C.C was sitting cross-legged at the kitchen table, eating crackers Kallen had brought over, and watching "Two dead men and an apartment", a most fascinating show.</p><p>Lelouch was methodically rummaging through the poorly furnished place, plastic gloves on, carefully checking every object he came across for something C.C could not identify, and throwing away anything that did not look absolutely essential. There was not much to throw away in the first place.</p><p>Suzaku, looking like he had caught a very nasty flu, was watching him in confusion. There was not much else he could do. He was currently banned from getting up from the couch.</p><p>It had been a pretty boring scenario. Until now.</p><p>"What the <em>hell</em> are those?" Lelouch was shouting, angrily throwing a pile of papers on the coffee table (and picking them up again the next second like the words on them could somehow hurt the table). Apparently, he had finally found something interesting in the bedroom.</p><p>Suzaku blinked at him and the papers in his hand.</p><p>"...letters?"</p><p>"<em>Letters?</em> These are <em>threats</em>, Suzaku. Death threats. Not a single one of those doesn't call for your painful execution, or dismemberment, or plain torture in general." Lelouch stood towering over his friend, fury in his eyes. It would have been more impressive, C.C thought, without the pink gloves. "Explain. <em>Now</em>."</p><p>Poor Suzaku looked half-surprised and half-embarrassed.</p><p>"They're just letters I get - I mean <em>Zero</em> gets, they're not a secret or anything. I mean, you must have gotten the same when it was you, right?"</p><p>C.C was pretty sure stuff like fanmail had been left to Diethard and the sort to deal with - Lelouch had other priorities on his mind when he was Zero. Of course, he had probably known everything about them anyway.</p><p>"But somehow you only get <em>threats</em>? I'm well placed to know that Zero's mail was never limited to people menacing to cut off his head!"</p><p>"Of course not!" Suzaku sat up straighter but did not get up from the couch. Lelouch was standing close enough to him that he had to crane his neck to look up at him. "There are nice messages, too, people sending thanks for things you or I have done, I just - most of the time I share them with the Black Knights, or with Nunnally when it's a joint message."</p><p>"And you keep the death threats to yourself? How <em>noble</em>, Suzaku."</p><p>Ouch. Suzaku broke eye contact with Lelouch and was suddenly very interested in his own bare feet.</p><p>"Where do you get these?" Lelouch demanded. The letters were getting quite crumpled in his tight fist.</p><p>C.C leaned over to try and catch the expression on Suzaku's face, but his head was turned away from her.</p><p>"They're sent to Nunnally, or sometimes people just give them to a guard for me," he replied in a low voice, chastised. "Now that people know where to find Zero we get a lot of these. Letters and packages." He turned back to Lelouch like he had just realized where this could be going and had the means to defend himself. "But we check the packages with security before we open them. And I keep Zero's gloves on for the letters, too, and security checks them for any known drugs on the paper."</p><p>"What about those?" Lelouch raised the letters in his own gloved hands. "Do you have gloves on when you read them to sleep?"</p><p>"N-no, but. They've been verified already, so it's unlikely that there could be anything-"</p><p>"<em>Unlikely</em>. What did they teach you in the army? You need to take security a little more seriously!"</p><p>Suzaku was up in a flash - albeit a little less gracefully than usual. He and Lelouch were of a height: they were now nose to nose. </p><p>"<em>Excuse me?</em> I live in secret rooms straight out of a spy movie, wear a full costume and helmet everytime I take a step outside, and never eat or drink anything that hasn't been verified. What about any of this isn't secure enough for you?"</p><p>"This!" Lelouch brandished the letters in his face.</p><p>Now Suzaku was angry too.</p><p>"That's just- What am I supposed to do then, live in a plastic bubble and never touch anything?"</p><p>"You could be more careful around death threats, for starters!"</p><p>Lelouch's shout ended on a barely disguised gasp. This probably felt a little too much like the sort of discussion they usually tried to avoid.</p><p>They both looked away. Anger gave Suzaku a flush that made him look livelier than he had in two days. Lelouch looked both annoyed and sorry, which gave the impression that he was constipated.</p><p>He sighed, and went to the door, taking the letters with him.</p><p>"I'll take those to Lloyd. See if he finds anything on them."</p><p>And he was gone.</p><p>Suzaku sat back down, arms crossed. He put one of the blankets back over his shoulders, exhaled loudly and glared at the empty air before him.</p><p>C.C finished her crackers noisily; Suzaku probably deserved a moment to collect himself. She gave him an entire minute, and went to sit beside him.</p><p>"Stop frowning, you'll make your headache worse."</p><p>Suzaku interrupted his pouting to snort.</p><p>"What is it with you two and my frowning?"</p><p>C.C relaxed back into the cushions with a dramatic flourish of her hand.</p><p>"It's our common love for fine art, you see. You're more aesthetically pleasing with your brows not drawn together."</p><p>There was the faintest trace of a blush on his cheeks, but it was quickly gone; he was getting used to her antics. He was soon back into his somber mood.</p><p>C.C sighed and sat back up.</p><p>"He's worried, you know. I mean," she looked him up and down with a sneer, her eyebrows raised, "anyone would be, seeing the mighty Zero in his pajamas, shivering on the couch with Nunnally's flowery blankets around his shoulders. What's next, bunny slippers?"</p><p>Suzaku could not suppress an amused smile, this time.</p><p>Where would these two idiots be without her, C.C wondered.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So apparently Arthur is female. </p><p>Happy new year everyone!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>The bathroom was too small, and too bare. Lelouch was going to have to talk to Nunnally about getting Zero more comfortable quarters. </p>
<p>As arranged before his death, he had left the creation of Zero's secret rooms to Nunnally and the new Zero himself, and had high suspicions that his sister was the one to thank for things like the place having a couch and TV, a large and comfortable bed, and more than one room at all. Left to his own devices, Suzaku would most likely have ended up with nothing but a cot in a cupboard sized room or something equally ridiculous. The end result was very decent, and Lelouch was proud of Nunnally for imposing her choices in this; but now that he found himself sitting on the cold tiled floor of the cramped bathroom, he was wishing the room were a little larger and a little more furnished. Putting a bathroom carpet in front of the toilet, for example, would not be superfluous. Suzaku did not need to feel the hard and cold floor under his knees while he was emptying his stomach for the second time in so many hours.</p>
<p>It had been over twenty hours since they had taken a sample of his blood, and Lelouch was <em>still</em> waiting for the results. Lloyd, as head of research, had threatened to ban him from the labs if he turned up there one more time: chemistry reactions could take time, and they were being thorough, at his request. All research also needed to remain an absolute secret considering the identity of the patient, which did not help matters. There were things even geniuses could not change.</p>
<p>To add to his frustration, the medicine they gave Suzaku did not seem to help much at all. At least from what Lelouch could tell: Suzaku had not exactly been forthcoming about how he really felt until earlier that day, when he and Nunnally had finally convinced the idiot that downplaying his symptoms only made things more difficult for everyone. </p>
<p>Lelouch sighed in frustration. What he wanted was the confirmation that Suzaku had only caught a seasonal bug so that he could finally silence the annoying voice in his head constantly suggesting otherwise. He rubbed circles on his knight's back, and waited for the retching to ease up. </p>
<p>It took too long for Lelouch's taste, but Suzaku finally raised his head from the toilet bowl and tried to catch his breath. Lelouch got up from the floor, silently cursed his own aching joints, and filled a glass of water for his friend.</p>
<p>His exhausted, miserable looking friend. Suzaku was sweating and panting like he had just ran miles. There were tear tracks on his cheeks - an involuntary response to the vomiting - and the very small sips of water he took after rinsing his mouth suggested his throat probably hurt from it, too. Lelouch flushed the toilet for him but did not sit back down: the sooner he could get Suzaku out of the cold bathroom and back to his blanket pile, the better.</p>
<p>"Sorry," Suzaku managed between two gulps.</p>
<p>"Don't apologize for being sick, it's not your fault."</p>
<p>There was a pause while Suzaku sipped a little more water. And then:</p>
<p>"...you don't know that."</p>
<p>Lelouch had hoped the subject of their last fight would not be brought up again this soon. He leaned against the sink.</p>
<p>"If the letters were tampered with, that would make your condition the fault of whoever poisoned them." And the culprit a dead man. "It would still make you an idiot, though."</p>
<p>Suzaku winced.</p>
<p>"Sorry about that, then."</p>
<p>Lelouch sighed dramatically, waving a hand in dismissal.</p>
<p>"Well, I've had time to get used to it." </p>
<p>Suzaku let out a tired chuckle, closed his eyes, and leaned the back of his head against the wall behind him. In the white light of the bathroom, he looked even worse than he had in the living room. Lelouch felt his mouth twist into a grimace.  </p>
<p>"Look...I may have overreacted a bit, too," he tried. "We don't know what's wrong with you yet, so I'm exploring all possible causes and I don't like what I'm coming up with."</p>
<p>Suzaku clutched the nearly empty glass to his chest; Lelouch decided not to mention that his hands were visibly trembling.</p>
<p>"Sorry," the japanese boy repeated. "And I'm sorry I threw up the meal you made, too."</p>
<p>Okay, what. Lelouch blinked and took several seconds to try and talk himself into not calling Suzaku an idiot again so soon. He failed.</p>
<p>"That's a really idiotic thing to be sorry about, Suzaku."</p>
<p>Suzaku said nothing to that and kept his eyes firmly closed. Lelouch nearly rolled his eyes, thought better of it, and rolled his eyes <em>really hard</em>. </p>
<p>"If anything, I should be sorry you couldn't keep it down. I'll make something lighter next time."</p>
<p>There was no answer, and Suzaku was definitely shivering, now. Lelouch frowned and squatted back down next to him to put the back of his hand to the other man's forehead. His friend flinched in surprise and his eyes snapped open.</p>
<p>"Sorry - your hand's warm."</p>
<p>No fever. </p>
<p>Lelouch took the glass from Suzaku's hands; they were <em>freezing</em>.</p>
<p>"Come on," he said, "I'll help you back to the couch. That cold floor is doing nothing for your health."</p>
<p>Lelouch held out his hand: he had caught the younger man leaning on walls and door frames earlier when he thought no one was looking, and he had an inkling that the reason his friend was still sitting was really that he did need the help to get back up. Suzaku's cold hand grasped his, and Lelouch tugged him to his feet, steadying him when he wobbled. There was something very disturbing in being the stronger one, even momentarily. </p>
<p>Suzaku shivered again when Lelouch put an arm around his shoulders to support him; Lelouch kept his mouth shut so as not to voice his growing concern. </p>
<p>They made their slow way back to the couch and the blankets, and Lelouch sat down next to Suzaku, rubbing his arm through the layers to warm him.</p>
<p>"How are you feeling?"</p>
<p>Suzaku's jaw was clenched as his body slowly got used to the change in temperature. </p>
<p>"Better now."</p>
<p>It sounded sincere, at least. Lelouch let out a frustrated breath through his nose.</p>
<p>He needed answers, and he needed them now.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>C.C appeared a few hours into Lelouch's shift, carrying a bulging paper bag. Lelouch did not ask - he was sure he did not want to know. </p>
<p>He was in Zero's kitchenette, reading through Black Knights reports from the last two weeks; if the blood tests confirmed someone had tried to poison Zero, at least Lelouch would have a head start on the investigation. Suzaku was in the bedroom with the doctor: the young woman had talked to Lelouch earlier about adjusting her patient's medicine, and she was checking up on him to make sure she had all up-to-date information. She was obviously quite committed to her job, and Suzaku's lack of improvement did not sit well with her either. Like Lelouch, she was hoping the test results would shed some light on what was really wrong with him. </p>
<p>The next time Lelouch looked up from his work, the walls were no longer bare. </p>
<p>C.C was standing in the middle of the room, looking around with her hands on her hips, admiring her work.</p>
<p>"What are you doing?" he asked.</p>
<p>She turned to him and tilted her head to the side.</p>
<p>"Decorating, obviously. This place is depressing."</p>
<p>There were posters and pictures everywhere. From improbable ads (there was one for a Cheese-kun <em>musical</em>) to questionable quotes in frames (<em>"Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid"</em>), C.C had taken it upon herself to turn Suzaku's mostly empty apartment into what looked like a college dorm room. Complete with - <em>wait</em>.</p>
<p>"What are those?" He asked, pointing to the multiple photographs she had pinned above the couch.</p>
<p>"Pictures."</p>
<p><em>Pictures</em>, indeed. There was the one she had taken of Suzaku the previous day. There was one of himself, face lit by the computer, engrossed in whatever he had been working on at the time. There was an old one of Lelouch and Suzaku <em>dressed as girls</em> that she had no doubt stolen from someone's album, and there were the two of them again, asleep in the Emperor's apartments in Pendragon, wearing their Ashford uniforms.</p>
<p>"What...How...When did you take this?"</p>
<p>"This one? Can't you tell?"</p>
<p>Of course he could tell. It was the evening after Lelouch had walked onto the dais to the Emperor throne, proclaiming himself the new ruler of Britannia. Lelouch and Suzaku had spent the following evening working on the transition, doing some more planning, and they had eventually fallen asleep on a grand sofa, among various files and empty pizza boxes. He did not remember them being so close to one another in sleep: his head had dropped to Suzaku's shoulder.</p>
<p>"<em>Take. These. Down.</em> This is not your home. Do you - do you even realize the absolute <em>catastrophe</em> you would be responsible for if someone got in here and saw these?"</p>
<p>She was not impressed.</p>
<p>"If someone managed to get in here with all the crazy security, you would have more important problems than them seeing those pictures. And it's not your home either. Maybe Suzaku will like them."</p>
<p>He already had his hand on the first one, fully intent on tearing it from the wall when C.C added:</p>
<p>"I have multiple copies."</p>
<p>Lelouch gritted his teeth and hoped Suzaku would let him take the pictures down.</p>
<p>- </p>
<p>"I like them," Suzaku said, later.</p>
<p>"He likes them," C.C repeated.</p>
<p>Lelouch dropped his head on the keyboard in despair.</p>
<p>("hyutygh", the computer replied.)</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Lelouch was getting restless, and Suzaku had a feeling that in other circumstances, said restlessness would have eventually rubbed off on him. </p>
<p>But he was immune to it, already being very frustrated himself.</p>
<p>He had not been sick in years. Suzaku had always had a good physical condition and worked hard to maintain it, and he was sure he could count the number of times he had caught anything even remotely debilitating on the fingers of one hand. Suzaku did not <em>do</em> colds; or at least they never stuck around long.</p>
<p>But this one? This one was something else entirely. The soreness he had first woken up to on that first day had evolved into full-blown pain in every single one of his muscles, which made him carefully evaluate the necessity of any trip through the small apartment. His head alternated between pounding migraines and feeling like he was living underwater. He was queasy for hours, and the idea of food had not been appealing for days now. He woke up from naps feeling like he had not slept in weeks.</p>
<p>He was sick of it. Ha, ha.</p>
<p>The doctor Lelouch had chosen for him was a nice woman, polite and attentive to everything he said, and she was clearly trying her best; but it was also obvious that she was at a loss as to why none of what she gave him had the expected results. She, too, frowned a lot when she visited him. Suzaku wished he could say he was feeling better to appease her frustration, but Lelouch and Nunnally had warned him against lying about that, and they were right, too: the more honest he was about his symptoms, the easier the young doctor could deal with them. And there was no hiding the shivers in his limbs or his frequent trips to the bathroom, anyway.</p>
<p>He had given up trying to fight this alone, too: his quarters had become his old friends' rallying point instead of Zero's secret base. As per his doctor's orders, there was always someone in there with him to start with, but the constant scrutiny had only gotten worse after he had swooned in Kallen's arms. Lelouch hardly let him out of his sight, and he was forbidden from taking showers with the door locked in case he slipped and cracked his head open. </p>
<p>His living room was the place where people gathered to discuss his condition and look at him with pity. Cécile had knitted him socks in heavy wool (in record time), and Nunnally had brought essential oils to alleviate his headaches. </p>
<p>All the attention made him very uncomfortable, especially since no matter what they did to help, he still felt awful.</p>
<p>The truth was that he would really feel better when all of this was over and he could finally go back to fulfilling his promise.</p>
<p>He was curled into a ball on the couch, trying to get some sleep (somehow he felt colder in his bed, so the couch it was for now) and Lelouch was sitting next to him, typing away on a laptop he had set up on the coffee table, looking somber. His friend had already turned up the heating in the room and made him a pot of some sophisticated tea, but Suzaku was <em>still shivering like crazy.</em></p>
<p>One other thing he particularly hated about his current predicament was that he always felt cold. No matter what he did, no matter how many layers he put on, he was still freezing. It made things like sitting still or falling asleep a lot more difficult than they should have been.</p>
<p>The hot tea had helped briefly, but it was like the freezing cold that enveloped him could trace any source of warmth and turn it to ice in minutes. He had tried to explain it to Lelouch, but there was a loud buzzing in his ears that made his own voice echo unpleasantly in his brain, and Lelouch's words came from far away, like intermittent sounds on an old broken radio. Lelouch had not looked very happy about it, so Suzaku had gone back to trying to sleep in spite of the incessant shivers wracking his body, the pain in his limbs, and the fact that his head was stuck in a cloud of fogginess. </p>
<p>It really should not have been this hard; he had fallen asleep in different but worse conditions as a soldier. He was exhausted, his head was hazy, and he could feel sleep tugging insistently at the edges of his consciousness. He would have liked nothing better, at the moment, than to give in to it and be dead to the world once more for a while. But everytime he felt his awareness slip away, the <em>cold</em> would come back with a vengeance and set his limbs to shivering once again. The renewed irritation he felt everytime was not really helping matters.</p>
<p>"Oof!"</p>
<p>All of a sudden, there was a heavy weight to his right, and he felt the corners of the blanket being lifted - and more cold creeping in - before something large and warm curled up against his side. Soft hair tickled his nose, and the smell of a woman's shampoo filled his nostrils. He was not really used to being this close to people, anymore, and only sat there unmoving while she tucked the blanket around them both. She was very warm. He could hear Lelouch cursing at her.</p>
<p>"C.C, What the-"</p>
<p>"I can hear his teeth chattering from the other side of the room."</p>
<p>Zero's couch was not really designed for three; he was not meant to have guests over, after all. With C.C now taking most of the space on his right, Suzaku could feel and hear Lelouch trying to wriggle out of where he was being squished against the armrest.</p>
<p>C.C simply reached over Suzaku and lifted the corners of the blanket on Lelouch's side. "Shut up and get under here, Your Majesty."</p>
<p>His Majesty grunted, but Suzaku hoped he would hurry up and join them because he was letting the cold air in, and they both knew C.C would not give up until he did as instructed anyway. Suzaku wrapped his arms tighter against himself, and gritted his teeth at the cold pressing in from the left.</p>
<p>Lelouch sat down. Suzaku sighed in relief. </p>
<p>The three of them were now quite cosily huddled together under the blanket.</p>
<p>"There," C.C said, smug. "Now you're not cold anymore."</p>
<p>They did feel warm against him. They were also very close. C.C was trying to find a more comfortable position, but the couch was such a tight fit for three people that each of her movements pushed him closer to Lelouch in turn, and the other man tensed up next to him. Suzaku tried to curl back into himself to take as little space as possible. Lelouch clumsily moved a few cushions to make room and rearranged the blanket around them.</p>
<p>Lelouch smelled like fresh cologne and clean laundry. His cheeks were flushed from all the moving around. </p>
<p>"I don't know how you expect him to sleep like this, C.C," he was saying, reproach clear in his deep voice.</p>
<p>Suzaku was so close to him he could feel his chest rumbling when he spoke. Their hands brushed when Lelouch leaned back into the couch.</p>
<p>It reminded him of simpler times, when they were children and sometimes fell asleep in the same bed, hand in hand.  </p>
<p>C.C was saying something, but Suzaku was not paying attention anymore. He could feel the heat from both of their bodies keeping the chill away. The shivering was getting more manageable. His teeth were no longer chattering. His head felt both lighter and heavier, and he felt it settle against someone's shoulder. His limbs were heavy, and he was sleepy. </p>
<p>And warm.</p>
<p>He was asleep in mere minutes.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>"You did that on purpose, witch."</p>
<p>"Shhh. You'll wake him up."</p>
<p>Lelouch looked down at Suzaku's peaceful face resting against his shoulder. He was fast asleep, curled up against his side. Lelouch remained as still as possible and his voice dropped to a whisper.</p>
<p>"No, he's sound asleep. What did you do that for?"</p>
<p>"For a genius, you ask a lot of questions you already know the answers to."</p>
<p>"I have no idea what you're talking about."</p>
<p>"And I don't believe you for one second. Or were you trying to convince yourself?"</p>
<p>He could feel Suzaku's soft breath on his neck, and the warmth of his body against his. If he looked past the paleness and the dark shadows beneath his friend's eyes, Lelouch could almost fool himself into thinking Suzaku was simply resting after a tiring day. </p>
<p>Asleep on Lelouch's shoulder. Curled up under the same blanket. With Lelouch's arm around him.</p>
<p>"I can't do this," he mused, softly.</p>
<p>"Why not?"</p>
<p>There were so many answers to that. </p>
<p>His eyes caught the laptop on the table, an open file on the screen calling for his attention. </p>
<p>Lloyd, Cécile and the doctor would have the test results soon. Kallen was doing field work. And Suzaku was sleeping on his shoulder.</p>
<p>Lelouch closed his eyes.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>It was evening, not that you could tell from the windowless room. Nunnally's fingers smelled like the clementines she had peeled earlier - vitamin C was good against most sicknesses, she was told. The peeled fruit now sat in a bowl on the table: Suzaku had only managed to eat one.</p>
<p>She was back to folding cranes. It was a calming ritual, and it prevented her from thinking too much about the situation at hand. She had done everything Lelouch had asked of her: ordered discreet but efficient inspections of anything Zero could have come into contact with in the past week, asked Sayoko to go through their food supplies again, made it appear like Zero was simply out on a mission somewhere like he sometimes was. There was not much else she could do for the time being. In a way, she was also contributing to C.C's efforts to decorate Suzaku's bleak quarters. </p>
<p>Lloyd, Cécile and the young doctor Lelouch had chosen had come in earlier that day, with terrifying news.</p>
<p>The tests were negative for every known virus, but they had found something in Suzaku's system that they were having trouble identifying.</p>
<p>"Scientific enigma aside, it's no good news. We're working hard on trying to find out more about it, but considering Suzaku's current condition there is little chance for a coincidence." Lloyd had concluded.</p>
<p>Her brother had gone pale at the information.</p>
<p>Suzaku himself had immediately been concerned with two things: the potential danger to the people who had been looking after him for two days now (little, and they had already been exposed at this point anyway), and her own safety, because this had to be a scheme to get Zero out of the way for a coup or something just as dangerous (but she had already limited her public appearances in light of the situation, and her security was always taken very seriously).</p>
<p>Although there were still many things Nunnally did not know about Suzaku, him putting the safety of others before his own was nothing new. She had, however, learned about the order her brother had given him, if not the exact implications of it, and she wondered why it was apparently not manifesting. Had Suzaku not grasped the seriousness of the situation? Did he only see the threat to her and the Black Knights, and not to his own life?</p>
<p>Doctor Hester had prescribed every medicine she could safely give him, hoping to slow the development of whatever was in his system, and reduce the more serious symptoms. In the meantime, all the rest of them could do was keep an even sharper eye on the young man and keep the scientists informed of any change while more tests were underway. </p>
<p>Lelouch was back to being a battle leader: he was coming up with more investigations for Nunnally's teams to conduct, asking Kallen for the Black Knights' help in remembering any suspicious persons or incidents in previous meetings or missions with Zero, and frantically checking the preliminary reports on the threat letters Lloyd's team had finally sent him.</p>
<p>He was also watching Suzaku like a hawk. No shiver, no misstep went unnoticed. Doctor Hester had told them to watch out for fever, and Lelouch brought his hand to Suzaku's brow every time the other man so much as took too long to blink.</p>
<p>Lelouch was out of the room now, making arrangements with Schneizel - wearing the Zero mask he had borrowed from Suzaku. He had left several computers running, and a list of written instructions. Nunnally was sure he would be bunking in the room before long.</p>
<p>"Okay, I'm done. My fingers are hurting," Kallen said from the seat opposite her. They had stopped talking a little while ago, their minds busy adjusting to the recent news update. Kallen had only gotten back from a Black Knights meeting an hour ago.</p>
<p>"Oi, Suzaku!"</p>
<p>Suzaku blinked his eyes open - he had been dozing off on the couch. Kallen was taking out a couple pills from a container on the table.</p>
<p>"You're supposed to take these before you sleep. Get over here."</p>
<p>Kallen, Nunnally had learned, believed that "sitting on your ass all day" was not the most effective way to get over an illness, mysterious or not. She was not pushing Suzaku to overexert himself or anything (he looked too bad for that, Nunnally thought, and Lelouch would not have allowed it), but she did not treat him like he was made of glass, and Nunnally could tell that Suzaku was grateful to her for that. Nunnally herself was too worried not to inquire after how he was feeling a little too often.</p>
<p>"Thanks," Suzaku said as he reached the table, every movement careful and slow. He sat down next to them, wrapping his arms around himself to suppress another shiver. "Where's Lelouch?"</p>
<p>"Organizing some things with Schneizel," Kallen replied before Nunnally could find her voice. "But I bet he'll be back soon."</p>
<p>"Oh." Suzaku's eyes went to their handiwork as he swallowed his medicine. Nunnally forced herself to smile.</p>
<p>"Look," she said, holding out a handful of cranes, "Kallen and I made these!"</p>
<p>Kallen flushed in embarrassment.</p>
<p>"I was <em>bored</em>! There's nothing else to do here!"</p>
<p>Suzaku smiled at her flustered expression, and Nunnally did not regret bringing her origami paper.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>There was something unidentified in Suzaku's blood.</p>
<p>There was something <em>unidentified </em>in <em>Suzaku's blood.</em></p>
<p>It was everything Lelouch had been afraid of.</p>
<p>There was no way this was a new unheard-of disease Zero had accidentally come into contact with. Not with the mask, the costume, and how little action he saw in the aftermath of their Requiem so far. The probability was much too low. No, it was clearly a deliberate attack on Zero. </p>
<p>And the attack being deadly was now a very real possibility.</p>
<p>Luckily, Suzaku had apparently not yet reached this conclusion, judging from the lack of red around his irises when and after Lloyd had explained the situation. As far as he was concerned, Nunnally and the Black Knights had been the main targets. </p>
<p>Lelouch put down the mask he had never thought he would ever wear again. </p>
<p>Someone was going to pay.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The "Life is hard" quote is John Wayne's.</p>
<p>Also, being neither a chemist nor a doctor, I would like to apologize if you find the idea of anything 'unidentified' turning up in someone's blood idiotic. But this is the Code Geass universe, so I thought I'd take my chances. Thank you for reading! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you all very much for the kudos and comments...!!! I smile and do a silly dance everytime I get one &lt;3</p><p>And sorry for the wait! This chapter was not cooperating. Hope you like it =D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>"'I hate you and I hope you die,'" C.C read in a dispassionate voice, then leaned over Kallen's shoulder. "What does yours say? I was hoping for something a bit more original, here."</p><p>Kallen looked down to the sheet of paper in her hands; she winced, and started reading aloud:</p><p>"'Here is a list of reasons why you should consider throwing yourself off a bridge ASAP'," she grimaced as she skimmed over the rest of the page and turned it over. "There are <em>fifty-seven</em>, neatly numbered. Charming."</p><p>Suzaku kept his head down, concentrating on the familiar words in front of him as the girls scribbled down observations on their respective copies, occasionally commenting on the horrors they found in his stash of written abuse. To his right, Lelouch was taking notes in silence, lips pursed and brows drawn together.</p><p>How had it come to this again? Oh, right: he had gone and gotten himself <em>poisoned</em> only a year into his role as Zero, and now they were trying to fix this mess.</p><p>Suzaku focused on the message he was supposed to be reading. 'How do you live with yourself?' it was asking. He sighed quietly, resisting the urge to jot a response to that in the margin.</p><p>Lelouch had asked Lloyd's team of scientists for scans of the letters he had found in Suzaku's bedroom, so that he could at least inspect their contents while the real things were being chemically analyzed. There had been early reports, but the in-depth analysis would take longer, and some components were giving them trouble. Lelouch looked sour ever since they had gotten the news, and was already conducting his investigation under the assumption that the answer to Zero's condition lay in the threats he had received prior to getting ill. </p><p>Kallen and C.C had offered to help. Zero's kitchen table was now covered in scanned letters, notes and half-empty coffee mugs.</p><p>Although it was technically his fault that the letters had to be examined in the first place, Suzaku had welcomed the opportunity to feel useful again. Three days off work were three too many as far as he was concerned. He had never spent so much time in his quarters before: he felt like he had seen more of them in three days than he had in a year. And while everyone was doing their best to remedy his blunder, he was forbidden from doing anything more taxing than walk from one room to another.  </p><p>God, he was pathetic.</p><p>He should have been out there, honoring the punishment Lelouch had bestowed upon him on the day they had killed each other.</p><p>(Not that he enjoyed being sick and feeling like he was navigating through a heavy fog most of the time. But there was nothing noble about being stuck at home and coddled.)</p><p>The letters, at least, he could help with. </p><p>Lelouch wanted detailed information about each and every one of them: when he had received it, where, how, from whom - anything he could remember. And Suzaku remembered a lot about each one, to the other man's contradictory annoyance. </p><p>The letters Suzaku had (re)read and annotated in a trembling hand were stacked in a small pile between them, and Lelouch was separating them into three smaller piles according to their level of danger; Suzaku had dubbed them the <em>Harmless</em>, <em>Suspicious</em> and <em>Oh shit</em> piles in his head. The young genius had also written an impressive amount of observations about every single one. Suzaku was not sure when Lelouch had last slept.</p><p>Somewhere behind the relief of finally being of assistance again, a part of him was wondering what would happen to the culprit when the former Zero found them. </p><p>They must have had a reason for doing this.</p><p>Fingers snapped an inch from his face, and he startled with a shiver.</p><p>"Wake up," Kallen's voice said. </p><p>Suzaku blinked at the young woman in front of him. His eyes had closed of their own accord; he did not even remember fighting to stay awake at any point, but his head <em>had</em> apparently been about to drop onto the table, and Kallen had a hand on his shoulder that he had not even noticed. </p><p>He really could not wait to get back to his normal, fully functioning self. Suzaku rubbed his eyes and tried to remember what he had been working on. Information. Lelouch wanted detailed information about the letters. </p><p>"You should go lie down if you're not well enough for this. We'll make do with what we have for now," Lelouch said, not raising his eyes from the letter he was perusing.</p><p>Suzaku shook himself awake. Anything but that.</p><p>"No, I'll help."</p><p>He picked up his pen again, and tried to focus on the text in front of him once more. Lelouch gave him a sideways glance and went back to his notes.</p><p>"This one is signed, and I recognize the name," the immortal man said, setting the missive in question on the <em>Harmless</em> pile. He had been working in silence so far, and Suzaku wondered if the change had anything to do with trying to keep him awake. "That man was arrested a few weeks ago, and he's not nearly smart enough to have planned anything like this."</p><p>C.C set down the letter she had been reading and followed his lead. "I've got very creative and <em>very</em> gory imagery in this one. I don't think we've seen enough of Suzaku's blood for it to fit. Maybe you should send it to a movie studio."<br/>
 <br/>
"Well," Kallen said with a sigh, finally putting down the fifty-seven reasons Zero should off himself. "This is depressing."</p><p>She looked drained and dejected, an expression Suzaku was not used to seeing on her face. He knew the contents of every letter they were reading: some of them, the oldest ones, almost off by heart. It was not exactly cheering material.</p><p>"Sorry," he said.</p><p>Lelouch tutted to his right. </p><p>C.C was drawing smiley faces and flowers in the corner of her copied letter. </p><p>"Nunnally says you should try replacing 'sorry' with 'thank you' as often as possible," she commented casually, coloring her sketches so that they covered the offending words. "Apparently it's healthier for everyone."</p><p>Suzaku was confused. </p><p>"What do you mean, replace one with the other?"</p><p>C.C stopped drawing to explain, and twirled her pink pen on her fingers.</p><p>"For example, instead of saying you're sorry for putting us through this, you could say 'thank you for your help'. It makes you sound more appreciative of everyone's sacrifice, and doesn't draw as much attention to you or your shortcomings."</p><p>Lelouch interrupted, never stopping in his writing. </p><p>"That's not quite how Nunnally puts it, C.C."</p><p>Suzaku's eyes slowly went over the three of them, up to their necks in vitriolic insults to find out who had attacked him and fix this whole mess. Kallen, who had come close to killing him on several occasions. C.C, Lelouch's mysterious accomplice, whom he had only gotten to know during their time as the Emperor's sword and shield. And Lelouch, his oldest, closest friend. The friend he had loved, hated, forgiven and killed. Lelouch, his chin held in his palm like he was sitting in a boring class, trying to pretend that the situation was not driving him mad.</p><p>All three, working together to help him.</p><p>
  <strike>But</strike>
</p><p>"Thank you," he tried, bowing his head in the japanese fashion.</p><p>When he straightened back up, Lelouch had finally raised his head from his files to look at him. There was something very serious in the violet eyes.</p><p>"You're welcome," Kallen said, breaking the tension. "Now," she held up a letter to him, "Explain this one."</p><p>Most of the letters they were going through were classical threats made from bits cut out of newspapers: not this one. It was a short message, in elegant cursive handwriting, and looked more like an old poem or recipe than anything truly menacing. 'Dear Zero,' it started, 'I hope this letter finds you well'. He vaguely remembered it briefly catching his attention when he had received it, because he had not been sure what to make of it: poetry had never really been his thing. This was not the first insult he had received, nor would it be the last. </p><p>Now that he thought about it, Lelouch had also mentioned this message during one of the three conversations Suzaku had fallen asleep to in the past two days. </p><p>"That's recent, one of the Black Knights brought it to me sometime last week."</p><p>It was not the newest threat, nor the scariest one, but Lelouch was suddenly sitting very straight in his chair.</p><p>"When exactly?" he asked, taking out notes from the <em>Oh shit</em> pile, and selecting several pages filled with his own handsome handwriting.</p><p>"I'm not sure - early last week?"</p><p>"Which agent?"</p><p>"Mmh...I think his name is Marley? The one with all the piercings."</p><p>"Marlowe. Shin Marlowe." Lelouch confirmed from memory, putting aside what he had been working on and rummaging through more of his well-organized notes. "Did he say who he got it from?"</p><p>Suzaku had to concentrate to answer that one. It had been a few days already, and a lot had happened since then.</p><p>"I don't think so. But there were other letters that came with it - normal ones."</p><p>Lelouch was studying a schedule on yet another sheet of paper. "Marlowe should be off duty now," he said, "I'll ask Nunnally to call him in."</p><p>And with that he left the room to go find his sister. Suzaku could only blink after him - was the letter really <em>that</em> suspicious?</p><p>C.C had grabbed it from Kallen's hands and was frowning at the carefully penned words.</p><p>"I've got to admit it's unusual," she decided.</p><p>At Suzaku's questioning look, she handed him the page so he could read the words again. The paper was old and crinkled, the words written with a fountain pen; not something he was used to seeing with this type of letter. The message itself was short and vague; but unlike every other, it did not call for violence against Zero, and was not exactly a warning. The author was simply stating that something unpleasant and possibly deadly would eventually happen to Zero, and that they would rejoice when it did.</p><p>In light of the situation, Suzaku was starting to revise his judgement.</p><p>Maybe there was no threat in the words, because they referred to something that had already started.</p><p>-</p><p>
  <em>Dear Zero,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hope this message finds you well. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Thus, when Justice finally punishes you for the tragedies you have caused, the thought of your suffering will be all the sweeter to me, as pain and agony slowly rid you of the health you unfairly possess. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And when you realize that nothing can save you from the inevitable, I can only hope that you finally understand how much you deserve this torment, and how the spirits of the slaughtered will rejoice to see the doors of Hell open for you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sincerely, Death.</em>
</p><p>-</p><p>Lelouch's suspicions were proven correct a few hours later in the early afternoon, when a pale and shaking Cécile showed up to confirm that they had found an unidentified component on one letter - the very one Lelouch had singled out earlier. Every team in the labs was busy comparing it with whatever was infecting Suzaku, hoping to find common characteristics and start countering its effets.</p><p>Kallen had sent a quick text to Rivalz to let him know she was going to miss class the following day, too: this was most likely going to take a while.</p><p>She had been the one to interview Shin Marlowe: the letters had been given to him by an old lady while he was on duty guarding a meeting, and he had promised to pass them on to Zero. There had been six in total, that the old woman had claimed were from friends and family. Marlowe had given them to security unopened, and the agents had been surprised to find a threat among them during the inspection, because the five others were messages of gratitude and thanks.  </p><p>As for the woman who had given him the letters, the young guard had confessed to having a poor memory of faces, and Kallen did not expect much from the facial composite she had asked for. Nothing he remembered would be of much use to the sketch artist: old, gentle, harmless. Kallen had expressed her doubts as she reported this to Lelouch, pointing out how very convenient it was that Marlowe did not remember, and questioning the existence of any such woman. The whole thing sounded fishy, and maybe they had found their culprit faster than expected - in their own ranks no less.</p><p>But Marlowe claimed his innocence, and did not fit the profile Lelouch had drawn up from the letter and the handwriting on it. The old Black Knights leader found the story dubious, but for different reasons: if the guard was trying to throw suspicion onto someone else, why make up such an unlikely culprit?</p><p>They kept Marlowe in custody for further interrogation, but the woman became Lelouch's prime suspect. </p><p>He was on every front after that, demanding more investigations and interrogations, and Kallen heard Zero's old voice again in the orders he gave through phones and intercoms (the Demon Emperor could not show his face to anyone). Lelouch had requested all available images and videos from the previous week of the places Marlowe had been assigned to, as well as all zones open to the public around them. It was a <em>lot</em> of data to go through. Kallen did not dare disturb him for anything other than the investigation at hand; his eyes were burning with something she did not want directed at her.</p><p>She was taking a much needed five minutes break, and her steps led her away from the heavy tension in the kitchenette that had become Lelouch's base of operations towards where Suzaku was sitting on the couch. He was going through some files while Arthur pawed at them; it was probably the only thing Lelouch had allowed him to help with.</p><p>The confirmation that a seemingly lovely, harmless old lady was likely responsible for his slowly deteriorating health had apparently sapped all remaining energy from him. Kallen also suspected that he was taking his security team's inability to detect the poison on the letter as a personal failure. Lelouch had pointed out, earlier, that the regular tests had failed because whatever was in his blood was something no one knew anything about yet. It had not been meant as a rebuke (how could they have noticed something that even Lloyd's teams were having trouble with?) but she had a feeling that Suzaku had taken it as one anyway.</p><p>It was painful to watch: now he was both unwell and dispirited, and Kallen found herself wanting to distract him out of genuine pity. Sometimes she was too nice for her own good.</p><p>Her eyes were drawn to the pictures pinned on the wall behind him.</p><p>"Should I feel offended that you don't have a single picture of me, there?"</p><p>C.C had been putting up more pictures on the wall. While Lelouch and Suzaku were undeniably her favorite subjects, there were a few new shots of Nunnally and C.C herself, now. There were two of Arthur. None of Kallen.</p><p>Suzaku turned to look at them. It took him a minute to get his brain to focus on something other than the papers he has been engrossed in, but it was obvious he needed the distraction, too.</p><p>"Oh. Sorry," he said, rubbing the back of his head. "C.C takes really nice pictures, so I asked her for more. Maybe she hasn't had the time to take one of you yet." </p><p>Kallen highly doubted that C.C did not already have pictures of her, which meant she was most likely doing this on purpose, or waiting for the opportunity to hang up a very embarrassing one.</p><p>"I can take one now, if you want," Suzaku said, moving to grab C.C's camera from the coffee table - Kallen seized the device before he could get up and fall on his ass again.</p><p>"Let me," She turned the camera to her face, stuck out her tongue for the picture, then sat heavily down on the couch when she was done. </p><p>She looked at the camera in thought.</p><p>"I've got pictures of you guys at home, too. There's one of you, getting attacked by Arthur." </p><p>Suzaku had not expected that, and looked a little bewildered. Kallen shrugged. She had fond memories of the times with the student council, and Suzaku had been part of them. Lelouch's Requiem had also burdened her with a tiniest bit of newfound respect for her old enemy that she was not sure what to do with. Despite her conflicting emotions where he was concerned, or perhaps because of them, he had earned his place on that wall, with the people she cared about.</p><p>"Thank you," Suzaku said awkwardly. Kallen was not sure whether it was for her picture or what she had just told him.</p><p>She watched him get back to his documents, and crossed her fingers for things to turn out okay. </p><p>-</p><p>Lelouch was going to find that woman and force a cure from her.</p><p>He was completely convinced, now, from the steady degradation of Suzaku's health and the wording on the note, that this was way more than a simple plan to get Zero out of commission for a few days, and that they were looking at very dire consequences if they did not find a cure soon. </p><p>Their hope relied on either Lloyd's teams finding a remedy fast, or Lelouch flushing out the culprit and forcing them to save Zero in time.</p><p>So, whether she was an accomplice or the exact person they were looking for, Lelouch was going to find that woman and <em>force a cure from her</em>.</p><p>His eyes were burning from the hours he had spent squinting at the various pictures and videos they had gathered since Suzaku had mentioned Marlowe earlier that very morning; it felt like days ago. Nunnally had dropped by in between two emergency meetings with Schneizel and Kanon and forced tasteless food down his throat. That had been hours ago; it had to be the middle of the night now, and they had not made much progress. </p><p>The poisoned letter, like most of the written death threats Zero received on a somewhat regular basis, had been devoid of fingerprints. Kallen had checked the five letters that had been delivered with it, with identical conclusions. The facial composite and various testimonies had not yielded many results either. They were therefore focusing their attention on the videos and pictures Lelouch had procured, hoping to find the woman who had become their lead suspect.</p><p>It was tedious work, even with a defined time frame. And a possible, terrifying deadline.</p><p>He had tried to get Suzaku to stop helping and go rest a couple hours ago, an effort met with resistance from his Knight; luckily, Helena Hester had arrived to check on him at the right time, and sent him off to bed right away. Lelouch, surreptitiously observing his friend's eyes from afar, had been relieved to see him give up and comply. He did not want to have to chain Suzaku to a chair for fear of what his Geass order would compel him to do in such a situation, especially since he could hardly stay awake for more than two hours at a time.</p><p>C.C, after helping out with reviewing videos and reading through several reports, had also retreated to the room Nunnally kept for her. Nunnally herself had only gone to bed after carefully questioning her staff, invoking a 'possible security incident'. Kallen had stayed behind to help with the videos, and was rubbing her tired eyes discretely as she worked. </p><p>Lelouch made a mental note to thank everyone properly when all this was over.</p><p>He had been concentrating on the same picture for a while, and the unexpected movement to his left took him by surprise. Suzaku was stumbling out of his bedroom, disheveled, his clothes rumpled from sleep. He looked very unsteady on his feet again, and gingerly made his way to the kitchen sink, a trembling hand on the wall for support. </p><p>"Suzaku? Are you okay?"</p><p><em>Stupid question</em>, his brain supplied helpfully. Maybe stress and sleep deprivation were taking their toll on him faster than he had anticipated. Stupid question or not, there was no reply; Suzaku did not even turn to aknowledge him. His hands were feeling around the sink like he could not see properly, his movements slow and uncoordinated.</p><p>Lelouch was up in a flash, and anxiously observed as Suzaku clumsily managed to fill a glass with water, draining it in a few thirsty gulps. Then he stood there catching his breath, wobbling on his feet, a vacant stare fixed on the wall beside him. </p><p>Concern flaring in his chest, Lelouch grabbed his friend's upper arm, steadying him.</p><p>"Suzaku. Answer me."</p><p>His Knight slowly turned his face in Lelouch's vague direction, like he was trying to pinpoint the source of his voice. His eyes were unfocused. His hair was stuck to his brow with sweat. </p><p>And his cheeks, up close in the dim light, were red. His cheeks had been worryingly pale for three days, and they were <em>flushed</em> now.</p><p>Lelouch swiftly raised his other hand to Suzaku's forehead. And his heart jumped in sudden, absolute panic.</p><p>"Kallen, get Hester or Lloyd in here <em>now</em>!"</p><p>His ailing friend had gone from no fever to <em>extremely high temperature</em> with next to no warning.</p><p>The doctor had instructed them on what to do in various situations, but she had evidently not planned for something like this to happen so quickly and so <em>violently</em>, a mere two hours after her last visit. Suzaku's pupils were dilated, he was unresponsive, and his legs looked about to buckle any second.</p><p>And - <em>was that a flicker of...?</em></p><p>One thing was suddenly clear in Lelouch's mind: he had to get the fever down, fast.</p><p>Suzaku's arm was over his shoulder before Kallen was even out of the room; the glass slipped from his friend's hand and smashed on the floor in a crash Lelouch almost heard over the sudden ringing in his ears. He could feel the heat radiating from Suzaku everywhere their bodies touched. Their legs bumped into each other's as he tried his hardest to lead the unsteady man to the small bathroom, and wait - that was <em>stupid</em>, he should have asked <em>Kallen</em> to do it, Kallen was way stronger than he was - no no no, Kallen had to go get someone as fast as possible, and maybe they should have <em>called</em> instead, but it was the middle of the night and maybe no one would have answered, and <em>stop it, brain, and get those legs moving</em>. Thankfully, Suzaku could still support his own weight for the moment, which was a huge relief to Lelouch who knew there was no way he could have carried him otherwise, and thank <em>fuck</em> the apartment was small and they were in the bathroom now. </p><p>Lelouch kicked the shower door open and wrestled Suzaku into the cubicle (revising, somewhere in his own boiling brain, his initial opinion of the simple room, and thanking his luck that it was not a bathtub, because getting Suzaku to climb over the side in his state would probably have ended in disaster) and tried to get him to lean against the wall; Suzaku's legs gave out. Lelouch managed to catch him under the armpits before he fell all the way, but the sudden weight was too much for him; he felt his own knees buckle and he and Suzaku both crashed onto the floor in an entangled mess. </p><p>Lelouch's heart was beating loudly in his ears as he quickly assessed the damage: no broken bones that he could tell, no blood; just one delirious, unresponsive idiot and his terrified caregiver. He extricated his arm from under Suzaku's heaving chest and made him sit against the wall - at least the shower was not too cramped - then reached over to turn the water on.</p><p>Cold water, quick. No, <em>wait</em>. Could Suzaku go into thermal shock? Shit, <em>shit</em>. Panic was clouding his normally brilliant mind, panic like he had not felt in a long time. Lelouch knew the logical answer was there at his disposal, hiding somewhere under the <em>stupid fucking fear</em>. He had no time for fear, damnit. Room temperature. Room temperature was his best bet. </p><p>Suzaku barely reacted to the water suddenly splashing his face, which was <em>definitely not a good sign</em>, and Lelouch grabbed his shoulders, shuddering as the tepid water started seeping through their clothes.</p><p>"Suzaku, come on, say something." </p><p>Suzaku was staring somewhere to Lelouch's right, his eyes half-open and blinking tiredly. His mouth was slightly open in a silent question, and he looked more lost than ever. Lelouch moved his hands to his face and forced him to look his way.</p><p>"<em>Come on</em>, look at me. Look at me<em>. Please.</em>"</p><p>He could see his own hands trembling on Suzaku's temples. Lelouch brushed his friend's hair from his eyes and brought their faces closer until their foreheads were touching, and he could feel the heat on Suzaku's skin even through the water cascading down their faces. Lelouch searched Suzaku's eyes for any sign of recognition, for any sign that his friend's brain was not frying yet, that the <em>stupid idiot</em> was still there somewhere.</p><p>He called Suzaku's name again, and again, and the mounting desperation in his voice terrified him.</p><p>Slowly, <em>very</em> slowly, Suzaku's eyes focused on Lelouch's face. </p><p>His lips moved once, twice, and a faint voice, barely audible over the falling water, reached through the storm in Lelouch's ears.</p><p>"...'louch?"</p><p>Lelouch nearly choked on the water dripping down his throat as he allowed himself to breathe again.</p><p>"<em>Yes</em>. Yes, that's me, I'm here. Stay with me, alright? Just...stay with me."</p><p>He said it like an order, his eyes locked onto Suzaku's like he still had the Geass and could still use it on the other man. <em>Stay awake. Stay with me</em>.</p><p>His arms were around Suzaku before he realized it, his hands desperately clutching at the drenched sweater, his head dropping on Suzaku's wet shoulder in temporary relief. Suzaku did not react to the tight embrace; he sat unmoving in Lelouch's arms, frozen and burning hot at the same time.</p><p>"Lelouch," he said again, the word slow and slurred. "I'm cold."</p><p>Lelouch muffled a sob into his neck and turned the water off with one hand. </p><p>Then he tightened the hug, trying to calm his breathing. </p><p>"You're anything but cold right now, my friend."</p><p>The tepid water was still dripping down their faces and clothes when Kallen and Lloyd finally found them. <br/>
 <br/>
Lelouch had not let go of Suzaku the whole time.</p><p>-</p><p>It took him a while to come down from the adrenaline rush.</p><p>What had happened after Lloyd's arrival was mostly a blur; the scientist had been quick and efficient, and Lelouch remembered feeling Kallen's hands on his arms at some point, gently steering him away from the shower while Lloyd worked on Suzaku. He knew his eyes had been glued to the scene, but somehow he could only recall the events in distant flashes. Lloyd injecting Suzaku with something. Kallen wrapping a towel around his shoulders. His clothes dripping onto the tiled bathroom floor as he stood there, unable to tear his eyes away from the brown-haired boy who had come to mean so much to him.</p><p>Suzaku was going to be okay, or at least as okay as he could be under the circumstances. That was what Helena had said at some point, after she was done seeing to her patient in the middle of the night. Forcing a sick person into a shower, it turned out, was not the most recommended course of action for cases of frighteningly high temperature, but she had assured him that he had not made things worse and that Suzaku would be okay for now - and Lelouch, for once, had stopped listening beyond that. As long as Suzaku was safe, and his brain had not boiled with the fever, Lelouch did not much care, at the moment, what he could or should have done better. </p><p>Suzaku was okay. For now.</p><p>
  <em>(For now) </em>
</p><p>Lelouch vaguely remembered Nunnally begging him to go change out of his wet clothes afterwards, which he had only reluctantly agreed to do while the young doctor tended to Suzaku with Lloyd's help.</p><p>He was not sure how much time had passed since then. He was sitting in a chair next to Suzaku's bed, and Suzaku was sleeping. His cheeks were a lot less flushed, and his face was peacefully relaxed. He was just sleeping. Lelouch was holding his limp hand, over the coverlet, and watching the steady rise and fall of his chest. </p><p>Nunnally's soft voice calling him from somewhere close by was what finally brought Lelouch back to the world. He blinked, slowly, to dissipate the haze he had been trapped in.</p><p>"Suzaku is going to be okay," his sister was saying, probably not for the first time. He could feel her delicate hands holding one of his gently, the one not currently holding on to Suzaku. How long had she been comforting him, he was not certain. A distant sense of guilt brushed him at the thought.</p><p>"He's going to be okay," Nunnally repeated, a beacon of hope in the storm. Lelouch let her soothing presence calm his heart. </p><p>He closed his eyes, concentrating on the feeling of the warm hands in each of his.</p><p>Nunnally. Suzaku.</p><p>"You care about him very much," his sister said, kind warmth in her gentle voice.</p><p>Lelouch nodded, the first clear indication that he was back to his senses. He opened his eyes again and finally turned to her.</p><p>Nunnally was sitting in her chair by his side, smiling softly at him through unshed tears. There was concern on her beautiful face, but relief, too, and the bright eyes were searching his, Lelouch realized, for an answer. Maybe there had been something more to her last statement.</p><p>But the answer was the same.<br/>
 <br/>
"Yes," he said, squeezing Suzaku's hand. "Yes, I do."</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Nunnally and Suzaku are, and always will be, Lelouch's most important persons, and no one will ever convince me otherwise.</p><p>The part about replacing "Sorry" with "thank you" is a real theory.</p><p>Hope you enjoyed this! Also, feel free to disregard innacuracies if you work in the medical field; I did my research but am no doctor.</p><p>Stay safe everyone! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hiii! I'm sorry this took so long. </p><p>Thanks again for all the hits, kudos and comments, it really means a lot, and helps when I'm writing this thing. You're amazing! &lt;3 Sorry I take so long to reply, I'll try to correct that in the future.</p><p>I'm probably taking a few liberties with canon in this one, but oh well. Also I tried to make this chapter a little shorter, and it's even longer as a result. Not sure how this happened.</p><p>Hope everyone's well, and hope you'll enjoy this one =)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Suzaku's nights were not exactly plagued with pleasant dreams. He did have a few, every once in a while: playing in the sun with Lelouch and Nunnally; having lunch on the Ashford grounds with his friends; a ray of light; a glimpse of calm and serenity somewhere sunny and warm. They left him with an unfamiliar sense of peace when he woke up in the morning. But they were scarce, and precious.</p><p>Nightmares, however, were regular companions. Afternoons in the sun turned into endless treks through sunburnt fields covered in dead bodies. Peaceful days at school morphed into bloody battlefields. Outings with friends became funeral wakes.</p><p><br/>
He had nightmares about his father. </p><p>Genbu's stern and unforgiving stare burned into him when Suzaku raised the knife; the scenery varied but the weapon was always the same, and he knew the feeling of his fingers on the handle, the <em>slight</em> resistance when he plunged the blade in his father's gut, the warmth of blood pooling on his hands, thick and sticky. When he looked down, there was red everywhere, spreading over the room, the shrine, the world. There was blood on his hands, on his child-sized shoes. On the dead body of his father.<br/>
 <br/>
Sometimes his mother was there. <br/>
 <br/>
Sometimes he killed her, too. </p><p><br/>
He had nightmares about Euphie. </p><p>These were filled with screams, machine gun fire and the sounds of knightmares clashing. The heavy smell of blood merged with the stench of gunpowder in a toxic miasma that stung his sinuses. He tried not to disturb the corpses of his people as he ran, looking everywhere for the princess he had sworn to protect, and when he found her she was smiling, gentle and delicate, and she asked <em>'aren't you japanese, too?'</em> and raised the heavy weapon and fired. </p><p>Zero killed her; but she always died smiling in Suzaku's arms, swathing him in crimson as he lied to her face.</p><p>Occasionally, his hands were clean - but then he was the one holding Zero's gun.</p><p><br/>
He had nightmares about Lelouch. </p><p>By far the craziest, they usually originated from authentic memories, too - a shared moment, an old conversation, an exchange of their secret hand signs - but then Lelouch would demand that Suzaku kill him, over and over. </p><p>So Suzaku killed him, over and over.</p><p>There were guns, there were blades, there were fingers on a pale throat. There was Lelouch, guiding his hands every time.</p><p>Once, Lelouch's young, unbroken voice breathed <em>'I know you can do it, you killed your father, didn't you?'</em> in the shell of his ear, intimate and terrifying.</p><p>Another time, the Demon Emperor took the bloody sword out of his chest and handed the weapon back to Suzaku, hissing <em>'not dramatic enough, do it again'</em>.</p><p>Some other times, Lelouch did not say anything, because he was dead.</p><p><br/>
There were more, of course. Killing strangers. Facing their dead gazes forever in the afterlife. Lying to Nunnally. Losing Shirley. Firing the FLEIJA. Arthur dying. A new war starting. Eating Cécile's cooking. Eating Cécile's cooking during another war while Arthur lay dying. The options were numerous.</p><p><br/>
Sleep was not kind to Suzaku, and it suited him. </p><p><br/>
<em>This</em> was not a Lelouch dream, although Lelouch was in it. The atmosphere was all wrong; it was too disjointed, too blurry, too new. They were too alive. </p><p>The two of them were outside in the sun, no mask, no disguise, but they were not allowed to do that anymore. Were they younger? Older? Suzaku was certain that the presence at his side was Lelouch, but he had no clue about the rest. It did not feel important. Lelouch's hand was firm in his. </p><p>The sun was hot on their faces.</p><p>They were walking in a grass field, so immense it extended beyond the horizon, and the grass was scorched golden. The breeze in their hair was soft, yet strong enough to drown any and all sound around them. Every step sent clouds of dust dancing at their feet. Summer had burned everything.</p><p>Suzaku stumbled when the heat haze blurred their path, but he never reached the ground. He could not tell where Lelouch was guiding them.</p><p>The sun was very, very hot.</p><p>It burned red in the sky, turning the heavens to scarlet, and the edges of the field were catching on fire, too. Flames flickered to life, eating their way through the grass and surrounding them; he could feel the burning heat licking his cheeks, and then the world was a furnace, a raging inferno pressing in from all sides, threatening to swallow them both in a cleansing, all-consuming blaze. </p><p>Fire, everywhere. Around him, within him, burning in his veins like the sacred bird he was named after. </p><p>The heavy, blood red clouds turned purple, then black, and suddenly a storm was upon them, blessedly cold rain on his searing skin. </p><p>He breathed in cold fire, and Lelouch was calling out his name in the distance.</p><p>
  <em>'I'm here. Stay with me.'</em>
</p><p>Lelouch's eyes were violet orbs in the night.</p><p>Suzaku woke up.</p><p>- </p><p>The real world was dark, cold, and silent. </p><p>He could feel cool sheets against his limbs, and a pillow, soft under his aching head. Suzaku's blurry vision slowly focused on a shadowed face, hovering over him in the semi-darkness, and he felt the gentle touch of a hand on his forehead. Warm, delicate fingers. </p><p>"...Lelouch."</p><p>There was a sigh of relief somewhere above him.</p><p>"Welcome back," the familiar voice said, low and hushed. "The doctor said your fever should be down for a few hours, I just...wanted to make sure."</p><p>"...okay," Suzaku heard himself reply, although he had no idea what Lelouch was talking about. He tried to blink the fog out of his mind.</p><p>They were in his bedroom - Zero's bedroom. Dim light filtered in from a gap in the door that led to the rest of the apartment. He could not tell what time it was: there were no windows, and he did not have the strength to remember where the clock was. Lelouch's shadow moved to his right and turned on the bedside lamp; a soft and diffuse glow, but still harsh against his eyes. Suzaku turned his head the other way, feeling like his brain was trying to stay behind.</p><p>"Sorry," Lelouch apologized, leaving the light on nonetheless. "How are you feeling?"</p><p><em>'Tired'</em>, was the first word Suzaku's mind supplied him with, in bright and painful neon letters, but it sounded like a weak choice for how he really felt. Feeble. Powerless. He had never been too imaginative with words: his arms and legs mainly felt like dead weights attached to his body. The very idea of putting all this into words was tiring in itself. </p><p>He heard movement beside him, and water being poured into a glass.</p><p>"Thirsty," he said.</p><p>Suzaku discerned a faint smile on Lelouch's face, then heard him set the glass on the nightstand so he could rearrange his pillows. He felt him sit on the edge of the bed, and with a practised ease no doubt inherited from years of caring for his little sister, Lelouch gently slipped an arm around Suzaku's shoulders to help him sit up. </p><p>It was strange, relying on Lelouch for this, but after a brief attempt at controlling his trembling arms, Suzaku could not deny he needed the assistance. He let himself lean against his friend's arm and chest, swallowing a disheartened sigh at his apparent weakness - not a week ago, he had been doing several series of push-ups before breakfast. </p><p>A delicate hand settled over his, helping his unsteady fingers grip the half-filled glass properly. </p><p>"Here. Small sips only."</p><p>The water felt heavenly in his dry mouth, and helped clear his head a little. Lelouch was steady and strong beside him; Suzaku could feel some of his energy returning.</p><p>"Helena - that's doctor Hester - says you'll feel tired for a while, so take it easy. She thinks the fever is a good thing, it means your body is fighting whatever it is that's making you ill."</p><p>Suzaku sipped more water, taking in the information and trying to make sense of it. He could not recall anything out of the ordinary happening before he had gone to bed - nothing out of his <em>current</em> ordinary, anyway. And yet, if the chair by his bedside and the conveniently available glass and bottle were any indication, Lelouch had been sitting here for a while, anxiously waiting for him to wake up. He was also referring to his exhaustion as something that had been expected, that he had even discussed with the doctor while Suzaku was asleep. There was something he was missing, here.</p><p>"Hum...what happened?"</p><p>The surprise on Lelouch's face was only fleeting, so Suzaku guessed his confusion had also been anticipated somewhat. His friend took the glass away, and when he removed his arm, Suzaku found he had regained enough strength to sit up on his own.</p><p>Lelouch went to sit on the chair, facing him. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, looking serious.</p><p>"What do you remember?"</p><p>Green eyes narrowed in concentration: what <em>did</em> he remember? He had gone to bed, feeling particularly tired. That was it, there had been nothing but the strange dream after that. Right? Except...now that he thought back on it, new images were superimposing themselves over the blurry flashes from the foggy nightmare. The more he tried to remember it, the clearer they got. It was a strange feeling, like his brain was getting an update and he was witnessing the updload, frame by frame. He <em>had</em> been walking somewhere - obviously not out in the sun, but <em>somewhere</em> - and he could still feel the phantom heat on his cheeks. And Lelouch had been there, too. </p><p>Lelouch had been there, calling out his name in a frightened voice. </p><p>Suzaku's hand unconsciously went to his shoulder, seeking the fading warmth of Lelouch's arm around him. Had he not dreamed something similar? When he tried to recall it, the memory was not dream-like at all; it felt real, the touch as clear and solid as it had been just now.</p><p>He cleared his throat.</p><p>"There are a few things, but it's all blurred with...dreams. I'm not sure which parts are real."</p><p>Lelouch's brows furrowed.</p><p>"Tell me what you dreamed, then. I'll tell you how much of it actually happened."</p><p>Suzaku took a deep breath, and started telling Lelouch about the crazy dream where they held hands in the middle of an apocalypse.</p><p>He felt foolish, at first, at the absurdity of what he was recounting. Describing it out loud made the dream sound even weirder than it had been - and it had been <em>very</em> weird to begin with. But there was no judgement in Lelouch's eyes, and soon he was detailing events from the previous night to compare with what Suzaku remembered. With every new element Lelouch gave him, fuzzy memories slowly resurfaced. Most were clouded in a fog he supposed could be blamed on the fever: he really must have been quite delirious. But some details remained: a sound, a touch, the familiar layout of his quarters as Lelouch helped him walk through them. The heat on his cheeks, the water running down his face. Lelouch's eyes and voice. Lelouch's arms around him.</p><p>"You were running a very high fever," Lelouch finished, looking to the side. "I took some drastic measures."</p><p>He sounded grim, and oddly abashed. The small room was silent as Suzaku absorbed the revelation of what he had unconsciously been up to the previous night: at least now he understood why he felt so tired, even though he did not remember much about the whole adventure. In fact, if he was being honest, in spite of the feebleness of his limbs and the knowledge that the fever was likely to come back, it sounded like the night had been a lot rougher on Lelouch than it had been on him.</p><p>A careful glance at the other man only confirmed that theory. Lelouch's face was grey with fatigue, the beautiful eyes sunken in and shadowed. His stiff posture was a far cry from the elegant way he usually held himself. Even his hair looked uncared for, sticking up haphazardly from where he had most likely run his hand through it while waiting for Suzaku to wake up. His arms were crossed over his thin chest, in a vain effort to hide the way his hands clenched and unclenched. The events from last night had shaken him, and he was trying not to let it show. </p><p>Suzaku hated that it had taken him this long to notice.  </p><p>His own fists tightened in his lap.</p><p>"I'm sorry."</p><p>Lelouch looked up, startled out of his thoughts. Wariness was quick to replace the surprise on his face, his eyes going from slanted in scrutiny to narrowed in suspicion.</p><p>"Just so we're clear...what are you apologizing for?"</p><p>Suzaku's fingernails dug into his palms. He had not planned for Lelouch to want details. But the raven-haired immortal raised his eyebrows in silent prompting, and he had no choice but to answer.</p><p>"You gave me a mission, and I'm already failing it," he confessed, looking down at his lap and wondering if the trembling in his hands could be blamed on the illness. "I'm sorry I wasn't more careful, and for putting Nunnally in danger. I'm sorry for sitting here while you wear yourselves out to repair my mistakes." His fists clenched tighter. "And now you're losing sleep looking after me on top of it all."<br/>
 <br/>
His chest was tight with several feelings. </p><p>When he risked a glance up, Lelouch's face was unreadable, all emotion gone from his features. The former prince curled an elegant hand under his chin, and his eyelids slid shut for a few seconds as he appeared to think things through. </p><p>The eyes that opened again were Lelouch vi Britannia's, cold and confident, and the Emperor was looking at him, chin up, every bit the man the fallen Knight of Seven had helped take over the throne, and the world.</p><p>"<em>Denied.</em>"</p><p>Suzaku's breath caught in his throat.</p><p>"Wha-"</p><p>"I thought we were friends, Suzaku?"</p><p>This time his heart missed a beat. <em>What?</em> Of course they were friends. <em>Of course they were</em>. Weren't they? Was it a trick question? Suzaku felt a cold shiver run through him, and it had nothing to do with fever.</p><p>Lelouch's annoyed sigh stopped the dizzying thoughts before they could go further.</p><p>"The answer to this is always yes, Suzaku. We've been through too much to let go of that bond. We <em>are</em> friends, calm down," he said, one hand going to his temple in thinly-veiled frustration. "That's...not the reflection I was going for."  </p><p>Suzaku's heart slowed back into a normal rhythm. </p><p>"But don't confuse everything. You're ill, and as your friend I'm worried about you. I'm not the only one, either," Lelouch went on. "Nunnally was here less than an hour ago. C.C and Kallen are in the living room, their eyes glued to surveillance recordings to find that woman and help you. Cécile came by for a while, too. Arthur is sleeping on one of your shirts, under the bed. We're worried because we care about you, not because Zero is unavailable. That's something you're going to have to accept." </p><p>He interrupted his tirade with another fatigued exhale. </p><p>"Don't worry, you can still be sorry about other things when this is over. And go back to being Zero, of course." </p><p>(These were easier words to hear) </p><p>"But..." There was a shift in his face: <em>these</em> were the eyes Suzaku had found last night, bright in the darkness of a storm.</p><p>"...don't apologize for being precious to us, Suzaku. I won't allow it."</p><p>The world stilled, in a way it had not when Nunnally had used the same word a few days ago. For a minute there was nothing but Lelouch, and the piercing stare Suzaku could not look away from. </p><p><em>Precious</em>. The word echoed in his head, in both siblings' voices, dancing at the edge of his mind, trying to force its way into the chaotic maelstrom that were his thoughts. Suzaku sat very still while his brain struggled with the idea, not entirely sure what to do with it. </p><p>The violet eyes never left him, defiant and unyielding. </p><p>Nunnally's words had been a request. Lelouch's were an order. </p><p>Every fragmented sentence Suzaku's brain suggested as a reply sounded weak in comparison to what he was being forced to acknowledge. </p><p>Maybe there was just nothing to say for now. Suzaku swallowed around the lump in his throat, and bowed his head in surrender - an obedient nod, or a temporary concession. He left it to Lelouch to interpret the gesture, and hoped the friendship he was holding on to remained intact after this. </p><p>
  <em>The answer to this is always yes, Suzaku.</em>
</p><p>The beating of his heart gradually stopped echoing so loudly.</p><p>He heard Lelouch stand up, and hid a wince at the sounds of cracking joints and the hiss that accompanied them. He wondered how long Lelouch had been sitting here in the dark, waiting for him to wake up. When his friend spoke again there was no resentment in his voice; only patience, and a hint of the weariness he was trying to conceal. </p><p>"Well, I'll go tell Helena you're awake. Do you need anything?"</p><p>Suzaku let out a discreet sigh of relief, and gladly latched onto the opportunity to steer away from sensitive subjects.</p><p>"...can I get up?" he asked, wondering if the list of things he was not allowed to do had been modified since last night. "I need to use the bathroom." </p><p>"Yes, but not for long, and with someone close by. Sorry, doctor's orders. Oh and, make sure you put <em>these</em> on," Lelouch said, bending down to retrieve something on the floor, "or you and I will have to deal with a certain witch's wrath."</p><p>He dropped a pair of bunny slippers onto the bed covers. </p><p>They were bright pink.</p><p>-  </p><p>Lelouch's mind was still on their conversation an hour later, as he stood before the small group gathered in Zero's rooms, not registering their faces. He pinched the bridge of his nose, all too aware that it would do nothing to soothe the headache. </p><p>Suzaku's self-loathing was nothing new, and frustrating enough on its own, but...</p><p>Failing the mission he had been given? Where did that put <em>him</em>, then? </p><p>Lelouch's unexpected survival was a subject he had carefully avoided breaching with the new Zero, who had never pushed the issue, his face invariably hidden behind the mask.</p><p>But Suzaku thought he was failing his own mission. Did he resent Lelouch for failing his?<br/>
 <br/>
There was a polite cough from the living room. Lelouch stored the poisonous thoughts away and forced himself to focus on the situation at hand.</p><p>Around seven hours had passed since Suzaku's delirious episode. Doctor Hester had just finished seeing to her patient again, and Lloyd and Cécile had dropped by for news, so Lelouch had decided to call for a quick debrief with everyone. </p><p>Zero's small apartment was not the ideal place for a meeting, but Lelouch was not leaving the rooms for the time being. Nunnally, Lloyd, Cécile and Helena sat around the kitchen table, and C.C had the couch to herself and her yellow plush toy: no one had dared disturb her from her lounging position among piles of printed surveillance pictures, although Kallen had probably tried, judging from the nasty look she was throwing at the witch from where she was sitting on the coffee table. Lelouch was half-tempted to go get the chair he had left at Suzaku's bedside so he did not have to do this standing up, but the bedridden knight of justice had fallen back to sleep after Helena's visit and he did not want to risk waking him up.</p><p>"So," he started, focusing on the young doctor's face. "Should we expect a repeat of what happened last night?" </p><p>"Not to such an extreme," she replied. "But the fever will spike again, that's how they work. You can expect disorientation and confusion, especially in the evening. I've got him on fever reducers to help moderate it, but we must allow his body to fight back."</p><p>Lelouch nodded, wondering if this was something she had already mentioned last night; he hated that he was not too clear on the details, not having been in the best state of mind at the time. </p><p>"Is it wise to keep him here?" Cécile asked, raising a timid hand in the air. "Can't you put him in a hospital room to monitor his condition more easily?"</p><p>"No," Lelouch was too exhausted to feel sorry about the harshness in his voice. "Zero's identity must be kept secret. The arrangements to secure a hospital room and personnel would take time we don't have, and arouse suspicions." He remembered Suzaku leaning against him earlier, unnaturally weak and lethargic. "It could exhaust him further, too. You and Lloyd are easily reached, and Helena here has been given a guest room upstairs. We'll simply have to be careful about our comings and goings." His eyes went back to the doctor. "Just let me know if you need anything brought over."</p><p>She nodded. A few small boxes of medical equipment had already been carried in under the cover of night. </p><p>There was no time to second guess this decision. Who knew how long they had until-</p><p>"Any progress on your end?" Lelouch asked Lloyd. The eccentric man grimaced from where he was slouched on the table, looking tired, too.</p><p>"Not really. We've narrowed down the possibilities, but whatever this thing is, it's nothing we've seen before, and powerful." The ex-Earl scratched his head in thought. "We're lucky the security agents wore gloves. It would actually be quite fascinating if my devicer's life wasn't on the line."<br/>
 <br/>
Lelouch caught uneasy looks at the words. Cécile tried to rearrange her face into a more hopeful expression when she saw him looking her way.</p><p>"What about your investigation?" she asked the others in the room, a tad too cheerily. Lelouch's shoulders slumped in defeat.</p><p>"Not too well either, I'm afraid. The various interrogations gave no results. We've sorted out the available pictures and videos matching the time criteria, but it's a slow process." </p><p>He kept to himself the fear that they would never find anything in the images. </p><p>His reply plunged the room further into despair. After a few more minutes of dismal exchanges of information, the scientists took their leave, getting back to their respective duties with various looks of defeat on their faces. Cécile wished everyone luck on her way out, and only Nunnally had the strength to force a smile back.</p><p>The rest of them were left in the uncomfortable silence. Lelouch finally sat down next to Nunnally on one of the vacated chairs, supporting his aching head with one hand. A hundred files awaited him on the table. He wondered if they were out of coffee yet.</p><p>His sister's voice shook him out of his drowsiness.</p><p>"Did you and Suzaku manage to talk a little? How was he feeling?" </p><p>Lelouch avoided her eyes; he did not think Nunnally needed details on how <em>that</em> conversation had gone.</p><p>"He was tired, but coherent. I don't think he's fully grasped the seriousness of the situation, yet."</p><p>A loud snort came from the direction of the couch. When everyone turned to her, C.C had the grace to sit up from her position to address Lelouch.</p><p>"Do you really think he's <em>that</em> stupid?"</p><p>"...excuse me?"</p><p>She rearranged herself comfortably, hugging the huge yellow toy to her chest.</p><p>"It took him a while, but at this point it's very obvious his life is in danger. I'm pretty sure he knows."</p><p>The surprising words snapped him back to full awareness: he was used to C.C being cryptic, but she usually made more sense than this. Lelouch turned to Nunnally and Kallen for back up, but neither tried to correct the witch on his behalf; on the contrary, they were both staring at him, waiting for him to reply. He straightened up in his chair, taking a breath for patience. Not everyone in the room was familiar with how the power of the Kings worked, after all. And they were all exhausted.</p><p>"The Geass command I put on him is still active," he explained, as calmly as he could. "If he was aware of the situation, it would have taken over by now."</p><p>"Why?" C.C asked.</p><p>Lelouch huffed in disbelief: was he going to have to explain how Geass worked to the woman who had <em>granted the power to him</em>? </p><p>"He has to live, <em>at all costs</em>. The order is <em>imprinted on his mind</em>. In all logic, if Suzaku realized he was <em>very possibly dying</em>, he would be combing the streets right now, in the hope of finding that damn woman, or helping Lloyd's teams find an antidote. He would be doing <em>something</em> concrete about it." He pointed to the bedroom. "But he's just lying there, not even trying to run!"</p><p>And Kallen, innocently, asked:</p><p>"Isn't that because he trusts you?"</p><p>Her suggestion was like a punch in the gut. Lelouch sat there, struck dumb, waiting for his lungs to resume functioning. </p><p>
  <em>What?</em>
</p><p>All eyes were on the redhead, waiting for her to elaborate. Kallen's cheeks colored at the attention, and she turned to C.C for help; but the green-haired woman just smiled, resting her head on top of her plush toy and waiting, too, for the young pilot to explain. A little red-faced still, but determined, Kallen faced Lelouch again.</p><p>"I mean, I'm no expert on this power, obviously, but Suzaku's not a <em>complete</em> idiot. He's got to know he wouldn't be going far in this condition. And it's not like he'd be very useful in a lab, either. If his subconscious is not <em>too</em> dumb, then he knows sitting still and trusting you with finding a solution is probably his only chance of surviving."</p><p>C.C let herself fall back onto the cushions with a satisfied smile.</p><p>It was a good thing Lelouch was already sitting down; he had a feeling his legs would not have carried him through this hypothesis. His mind was racing. Could Kallen be right? Was Suzaku already doing his best to survive by leaving things in Lelouch's hands? <em>No</em>, that was not how Geass worked. Or was it? Suzaku had managed to master his curse as the Knight of Zero, after all. And the power <em>was</em> tied to the victim's perception of things. Did Suzaku really, unconsciously, trust Lelouch with his life in this?</p><p>"Why don't you ask him?" Nunnally intervened. "If he really hasn't realized the danger yet, I think he deserves to know."</p><p>Lelouch stood up so fast his chair crashed to the floor, startling everyone in the room.</p><p>"<em>No!</em>"</p><p>His vision blurred and wavered for a second, and when it cleared Nunnally's eyes were wide with shock at his outburst. His harsh breathing was loud enough to drown out the ringing in his ears. Even C.C looked surprised. <em>What was he doing?</em></p><p>Lelouch forced himself to breathe. </p><p>In, out. </p><p>"Sorry," he said, picking up the chair from the floor. Surprise, on his sister's face, gave way to sympathy. Lelouch sat back down and joined his hands over the table.</p><p>"<em>No</em>," he started again, calmer. "What if he really hasn't connected the dots yet and the order forces him to take action once he knows? What if he overpowers us and leaves to go find a solution himself?"</p><p>C.C tilted her head, sceptical.</p><p>"Sayoko stopped him on her own and that was four days ago. He's a lot weaker now." </p><p>"But he didn't think his life was in danger then, so there was no reason for the command to take over. You don't know how it could enhance his capacities now."</p><p>The witch studied him <em>very</em> intently; he felt naked under the golden eyes.</p><p>"You're scared," she concluded.</p><p>Lelouch closed his eyes and tried to ignore her. <em>Deep breaths</em>. But she had no mercy.</p><p>"Which is it? Are you really afraid he'll leave? Or are you afraid of finding out he doesn't trust you?"</p><p>"<em>Shut up</em>," Lelouch hissed. He pressed the heels of his hands to his temples and tried to focus on the sound of his blood rushing through his veins.</p><p>Of course he was afraid. He was terrified that Suzaku was going to die and that there was nothing he could do about it, this time. Worse: that the slightest misstep could accelerate the deterioration of his Knight's health. If Suzaku did not know the danger he was in yet, Lelouch did not want to take the risk of telling him. </p><p>C.C was still talking. </p><p>"Maybe you don't want to find out he <em>does</em> trust y-"</p><p>"<em>I don't want to lose him!</em>" he finally admitted angrily, effectively shutting her up.</p><p>Because that was what it always came down to, in the end. The reason behind mistakes and miracles. He just did not want to lose Suzaku.</p><p>No one spoke in the ringing silence. When his breathing was somewhat back to normal, Lelouch finally raised his head again and found C.C's gaze still on him.  </p><p>"And you think I do?" she asked, a rare softness in her eyes.</p><p>A pang of guilt squeezed Lelouch's heart. C.C was only trying to help, in her own way. He had no enemies, here. </p><p>He found understanding in his accomplice's eyes before she looked away, and he was not certain he deserved it. He hoped the distress on his face had been enough to convey his remorse.</p><p>Nunnally, beside him, reached for his hand and held it gently. There was hope in the smile she gave him, and Lelouch wondered where she found such strength.</p><p>"I'm afraid, too," she said. He was thankful when she did not elaborate. "But we're all going to fight this together."</p><p>
  <em>Together.</em>
</p><p>Nunnally was right. He was not alone in this battle. His eyes went over the room, taking in his sister's hopeful eyes, C.C's smile, Kallen's confident nod. </p><p>He squeezed Nunnally's hand back. It was too soon to lose hope.</p><p>-</p><p>A few hours later, when Kallen had finally gone home for a few hours of well deserved rest, Nunnally was about to do the same, and Lelouch had refused yet another suggestion that he go lie down for a bit, C.C vanished from the room.</p><p>Nunnally really should have noticed her slipping out, and Lelouch definitely should have seen it coming. But they were all tired, had a lot on their minds, and they had been working in the dimly lit room for hours, their eyes glued to computer screens.</p><p>Lelouch took a toilet break, and when he came back, C.C was no longer sitting on the couch.</p><p>Nunnally had a very good idea of where she had gone.</p><p>-</p><p>Zero's bedroom was boring, especially when Zero himself was sleeping. No windows, no books, no hidden stash of porn, no secret diary or embarrassing poems, <em>nothing</em>. The letters Lelouch had discovered three days ago had probably been the only interesting thing to be found in there. </p><p>Not that C.C had time to entertain herself at the moment. She knew the room was boring, because she had invited herself in a few days ago and been sorely disappointed.</p><p>The immortal witch was lying next to the slumbering man on the bed: it was a king size, and Lelouch was an idiot for sitting on a chair earlier when there was room enough right here. Suzaku, to her right, was sound asleep. She debated slipping under the covers for maximum effect, or drawing on his face for a good laugh, but she was on a schedule: Lelouch was going to notice she was gone very soon. It was time to act.</p><p>She shifted onto her side, hooked a graceful leg over the form under the covers, and carefully raised herself up until she was crouching over him on all fours, bracing her weight with a hand on each side of him. The bed sheets were stretched taut over his body from his shoulders down: her plan was to prevent him from getting away in the <em>very unlikely</em> event that Lelouch's fears were founded and the <em>live</em> order triggered the knight into action. </p><p>It would have been easier - and funnier - to simply sit on him: but this Suzaku sometimes lost his dinner and C.C did not want to disturb his stomach and be barfed on. </p><p>He did not stir as she moved, and this, more than his pale face, told her how sick he was. One thing she had learned from their days in hiding before the Requiem was that the soldier in him never slept heavily. And yet he slumbered on, until a few green strands of hair started tickling his nose. C.C watched his face scrunch up in discomfort, and waited for him to wake up and notice the compromising position. </p><p>It did not take long, and was totally worth it: the look on his face made her regret not taking her camera with her.</p><p>"Wha- C.C?"</p><p>She could not be sure the red on his cheeks was embarrassment and not fever, and it was a bit disappointing; he was not as easy to fluster as Lelouch. Suzaku instinctively tried to free himself when he realized she had him pinned, his arms jerking under the covers; but the illness had severely weakened him, and C.C was not moving, anyway. She also had a feeling his heart was not entirely in it : there was, understandably, curiosity on his face.</p><p>She had no time for sugar-coating.</p><p>"You know you're probably dying, right?"</p><p>The weak struggling stopped instantly.</p><p>"...what?"</p><p>"That poison in you. From the look of things, it's trying to kill you. You know that, don't you?"</p><p>And <em>there</em> was the red she had been looking for, circling the green irises. Suzaku's body went slack; but when he spoke, his voice was not the toneless drone of a Geass victim.</p><p>"Yes," he replied. He took a breath to add more, stopped. Tried again. "But I can't let it."</p><p>A smile tugged at C.C's lips. So far, so good, but nothing she did not know already. She brought a finger to his cheek, and traced his jawline. </p><p>Now for the best part.</p><p>"Then why aren't you doing anything about it?"</p><p>There was a pause while his mind struggled with the question. And then:</p><p>"I am."</p><p>C.C leaned further towards him, her face mere inches from his. She needed the detailed version.</p><p>"Are you? Why aren't you out there, forcing that woman to save you?"</p><p>Suzaku blinked confused eyes at her.</p><p>"I don't know where to find her. And my legs will barely carry me out of these rooms. I would only die faster, leaving on a wild-goose chase in this condition." He was oddly calm as he tried to give order to his thoughts and articulate them into proper sentences, but he finally gave C.C what she had come in for.</p><p>"The best course of action is to stay here, with Lelouch. He's doing everything that can be done."</p><p>The red circles vanished.</p><p>"Lelouch is my best chance," Suzaku finished, certain.</p><p>C.C's satisfied smile widened further. There had been very little doubt in her mind that her theory was right, but it was not <em>her</em> uncertainty she needed to alleviate. She deposited a gentle kiss on his forehead.</p><p>"Correct," she approved.</p><p>Suzaku looked adorably baffled. He was waiting for her to go somewhere with this, or at least for an explanation. C.C let him speculate for a whole minute, watching the too bright green eyes search her face expectantly, then gracefully rose from her position, getting off the bed without another word. </p><p>She brushed a lock of green hair from her face. </p><p>"Do you like the slippers I got you?" she asked. </p><p>Suzaku laboriously raised himself up on his elbows.</p><p>"Wait, what's...why did you-"</p><p>C.C walked back towards the half-open door, her heels clicking elegantly on the wooden floor.</p><p>"Let's just say I've grown fond of your idiocy, and I'd be very disappointed if you were to die." </p><p>Suzaku looked even more lost at this; C.C smiled, and regretted nothing. Ignoring his confused looks, she left the room and closed the door behind her. </p><p>She leaned her back against it on the other side, and whispered to the shadows.</p><p>"I hope you heard all that."</p><p>Lelouch was standing right outside the room, and from what she could discern of his face, speech was a little beyond him at the moment. He settled for a shaky nod.</p><p>"Good," C.C commented. "Now go take a nap, you're worrying your sister."</p><p>She left him to his thoughts, congratulated herself on a mission accomplished, and took out her phone. </p><p>Good deeds, among other things, called for pizza.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There. This chapter gave me trouble, for some reason; I'm very happy to finally be posting it. We should be making a bit more progress on the 00 front next time. </p><p>Take care everyone! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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